Wow, I'm lame :)

Somehow in the midst of complete laziness of summer, I totally forgot about this blog. It's not like I had anything important going on at all. Basically my summer consists of waking up around like 10, computer ALL day, not even kidding, and then up til like 1 ish and repeat. Seriously. No substance. At all. I hate this. I mean I've been having fun when I'm with my friends but I'm so disappointed in myself for not actually doing anything. Before summer started I was excited that I would read a lot of books, go out to the pool everyday, hang out with friends all the time, not sleep late/ stay up late. Yeah, well none of that happened. I don't *like* wasting my entire day on the computer, but it's like I'm so obsessed with the computer that I can't help myself. I actually like not having my computer, but when I have it, I just waste my whole day. Ugh. But the things I actually have done is enjoyed my time with friends. Every week we go to Edmond Town Hall and go see the movie playing there. It's really fun, because we usually walk and get ice cream or eat, but we haven't been able to lately because of weather. Also, I helped out at VBS at church. The kids were adorable! But I have 5&6th graders... so they were "too old" for some of the stuff and yeah. It's awesome seeing so many kids loving God though:). I also finished drivers ed! :D The longest 3 weeks of my life! Agh I still don't feel like I'm old enough to drive. And of course, Keswick was amazing. So many awesome people went :) B-field: Allison, Alex, Lizz, Lauren, Abby, Erin. And then lots of people I know from church. Madison, also, who I've know for like 5 years from Keswick:) AND JAYDEN WENT :D It was such a blessing for her to be able to go and she just enjoyed it so much. Everything was awesome, but for some reason this year I was extra upset to leave. I actually shed tears. I've only gotten teary-eyes before. It was so hard leaving, and I don't know why. It was like the week wasn't complete and we weren't ready to leave. Major Keswick withdrawls followed and I was just bumming around and sad all week, especially once Jayden left because it was real. I don't know, it's hard to explain. All I know is that God is amazing and Keswick is awesome. Leaving Keswick sucks, but God is still amazing. I just need to take what I've learned and treasure my memories and not dwell on the no longer being there. Gah. I just wrote a whole bunch of craziness that no one really cares about. Maybe I'll go to bed early tonight.. but there's not a good chance :p Seriously, does anyone know where I can go to computer/facebook rehab :p

It summer. Normally I would be more excited. But it started off bad by being sick, and then of course it's been raining like every day for a month it seems. I just want the sun to come out for days straight, and just sit outside, either swimming, taking pictures, running around being silly, I don't know. I just want the sun. I really don't like the rain, I can handle a little, but come on, it's summer! I'm lazy enough as it is, and now I've just been on the computer every day for way too many hours. I've been having fun though. Steph's End Of Year Party was awesome :]... jeeze it seems like that was months ago. Of course my birthday party was a blast as well :] At least the sun came out for that. But the pool was a tad cold and some people didn't go in, but who cares :]

So. I GOT MY PERMIT. It hasn't hit me yet that I'm 16, a junior, it's summer, I CAN DRIVE. I've gone a couple times and stuff and I'm not too bad, but I'm scared to drive on the road :P I'll grow more comfortable but it's just scary to think. Everyone says "Sixteen is such a huge step and milestone" but I don't feel different at all. I mean when I think about it, I'm like, wow 16 this is crazy it's not real... but it is. I don't know. It's like every year you're a year older, but you don't feel any different. But this year you're suppose to feel different, it's big. And I don't. Hopefully it will hit sometime soon...

Blah! Now that I'm thinking about it more, I'm getting a little more excited for summer-ish things. Like the Edmund shingding every week will be so awesome, last week was varrr fun :D and then Keswick is going to be so exciting, and I'm really glad Lizz is going again, and Allison for her first time :D And then Lake George should be really fun gping back. I'm sure Cammy will be walking by then :] Sooo yeah. I'm going to go make Mac n' Cheese now. I kind of will eat this every day all summer. We have like 10 boxes right now, and I seriously am NOT over exaggerating. :) Hope your summer is fabulous, those of you still reading this.

“Read, every day, something no one else is reading. Think, everyday, something no one else is thinking. Do, every day, something no one else would...

...be silly enough to do. It is bad for the mind to continually be part of unanimity.”

Blah! I don't even know. I've been so tired this week. Like dead. I know I'm *always* tired, but I feel like I've been extra tired. And extra fed up with people. I've noticed how too often people over exaggerate or make little things a huge deal. It's not necessary. If something "bad" happens, it happens... it's not like you can change it. If you keep having a negative attitude, you're just going to see everything as bad and just keep getting more depressed. This isn't directed towards anyone, by the way. It's just too many people have been moody and everything and it's not necessarily necessary. On a positive note, I'm really excited for summer.
1. My birthday is in 20ish days.
2. School ends.
3. I can get my permit!
4. I can start driving!
5. I can get a job. Except I have no clue where. Ideas?
6. Keswick!! :D <3
7. Lake George with Amy, Steve, twins, grandparents-ish, and my other aunt and two cousins. The only bad thing about it is that my aunt and two cousins will probably ruin it...
8. Going to be a Junior. A JUNIOR! :o

Ah it's just too crazy.
Meh. I don't know what to write. I have so much to say, yet I don't know how to say it. It's a Friday night. All my friends are well... not with me :P and I'm just tired and not in a good mood. This rain is crampin' my styylle mayyyne. :P Sorry my gh3tt0H n3ss slipped out, yo. Alright well I'm done being lame, for now. I have to catch up on everyone's blogs

Pa-pa-pa-poker face, pa-pa-poker face muh muh muh muh.

Of course you're only 16 once, but a 25 thousand dollar party is a lot to pay for one night :P It was basically just like an episode of My Super Sweet Sixteen. It definitely was fun, but basically it was like a dance, everyone on the dance floor in a big blob grinding. Me and my friends didn't really want to dance, I did a little, lol but I'm horrible. Then Madison and Kaelin made me dance with this guy and I don't even know him, and barely saw him lol ugh it was horrible, they gave me no choice. Well. Whatever >.> I was suppose to stay over with Madison and Gabby, but it would have just been us and I was soo tired after the party and I was already at Kaelin's. Then they also invited more people I didn't know, which just made me not want to stay more. I felt bad not staying, especially because I barely got to spend time with Madison or Gabby, AND I didn't say bye because I thought I was going back to stay with them in like 5 minutes, but what's done is done. It really worked out though because we went to sleep right away, got like 8 hours of sleep, and then got ready and such and I went to youth group with Kaelin, Shannon, Seth (Kaelin's boyfriend), and Jake (their friend, and they all are home schooled together). And we went mini golfing, a big fail on my part if I must say so myself haha. And then me, Kaelin, and Shannon, went out to an early dinner at Friendly's :] That's like Our Place now. Second time we've gone together! lol. AND since out waitress messed up the orders and like ignored us for 15 minutes when we were done, we got out appetizer for free, which was good because we would have only had just enough money for everything ha. All in all, it was quite fun, and really awesome to see everyone, because we're like best friends, but we would only see each other a couple times a year at Keswick. I want to start going up there more often, but it's kind of a bother because it's two hours up there one way, and neither of my parents can drive very far at the moment. Luckily this weekend my grandma offered to meet them half way! Huuuummm. Lalalala. Gah it was just so fun. I wish we lived closer to each other. It kind of made me sad because they're such best friends and basicaly live with each other and know everything about each other and everything so well, and I don't really have a BEST BET BEST friend that I'm ALWAYS with who knows me like the back of my hand. I mean I have amazing friends, and I can talk to a ton of people about anything, but I just never have the hanging-out-all-the-time kind of friend. Not that I NEED that, but idk they just seem to have so much fun :P

And You Can Say That You're Sorry, But I Don't Believe You Baby, Like I Did Before. You're Not Sorry Oh-h-h No.

Amy is coming tomorrow with Bobby and Cammy! :] That brightened up a weuosdgkhnwsdigkjm day. I was actually rested and awake this morning, but as the day progressed, more things made me more tired and moody. Well. I'll go to bed early again tonight and sleep away my mood swings. Haha, at least I haven't flipped out on my family today (so far) so I'm doing better then I have been lately. I really feel bad for taking out my tiredness and stress on them. I sound like a phsyco with anger issues, but I swear I'm not. I think any way you try to write something like on a blog, it seems so much worse than it was/you intended it to be. Well. Meh.

That's all I have to say for now, meh.

She said don't change your mind Let's leave this town behind We'll race right off the cliff They will remember this

Blahhhhh. This week has definitely had it's ups and downs. But this weekend was fun, Risha's party was fabulous :D And then today I really just went to church, and I was suppose to either see the twins or go to Six Flags with them, but that didn't happen. Ughhh. I'm so tired. All the time. And this stress doesn't make it any better. I feel bad because I'm always freaking out at my family or in a pissy mood. Next weekend should be amazing though, because it's my friend Madison's sweet sixteen. Like. At a mansion, sweet sixteen. And I'll get to see a lot of friends from camp or from up in Massechusetts that I never see! Ahhh. Except I waned to sleepover my friend Kaelin's house, but Madison just told me how all the out of state people are like staying at her house. And since it's her party, I guess I kinda have to do that, but idk... I mean it shoudl be fun... but if it's people I *don't* know, that's awkward, but then all the people I *do* know that are going, are either: old friends and just awkward being together, or one of those people you know but you've never become friends. And I think there are some girls from out school going too and I don't think they like me very much, oh well it will all work out. It should be really fun though. And I've been meaning to pay everyone up there a visit :] And I like just going away, getting out of the house, ya knowww? Well. I'm getting tired of being on the computer since I've been on all day. But I feel as though I have much to blog about to get my emotions out. Blah! Whatever, I'll express later:P

Ps- Tomorrow is a Monday AND going to be rainy. I'm looking forward to being in a bad mood... rain just does that to me... lol

Your love is the barrel of a gun so tell me am I on the right end I could be nothing but a memory to you Don’t let this memory fade away

Oh my gosh. I just freaking typed a blog about all my frustration with friend-ness like not caring and it not being fair and them like caring more about boyfriends or other friends than me. But I like refreshed the page or something by accident! Ah. Oh well, it kinda got my frustration out. But I just wish I was about to actually tell them how I feel. Of course like all the friend-confrontations that need to occur are people who will just think I'm jealous or like freak out :[ Oh well...

Yayyy it's Friday finally!! :D I was going to go to Battle of the Bands, but me and a friend decided to just hang out and sleepover-ness. Woot, it should be very fun :] And then some of us were going to do a camp out thing, but that didn't work out. Hopefully a rescheduling will happen soon! And then Sunday is Bobby and Cammy's Christening. Oh! And I'm uber excited for the nice weather it will be like mid 80s! YAYY :D I'll be outside for a while on Sunday, so maybe I'll get some sun :D :P Well. I'm still really really bummed I can't go to the Invisible Children Rescue :[ I hope everyone who's going has a good time and really makes an impact. I feel like as much as I care about the cause, I just feel like put down for not being able to go. Like going there is a symbol of how much you care. I just wanna be able to go :[ But my mom is all like worried and stuff. And I probably would have been able to go just for the day but I don't have a ride. And I said this all yesterday so I'll stop :P

Well have an exellent evening and weekend and soak up some sun :D

What's wrong with the world, mama People livin' like they ain't got no mamas I think the whole world addicted to the drama

Only attracted to things that'll bring you trauma
Overseas, yeah, we try to stop terrorism
But we still got terrorists here livin'
In the USA, the big CIA
The Bloods and The Crips and the KKK
But if you only have love for your own race
Then you only leave space to discriminate
And to discriminate only generates hate
And when you hate then you're bound to get irate, yeah
Madness is what you demonstrate


Oh wow I didn't blog at all over break. It was pretty good mostly just like sleeping and doing not too much, then I got to show Allison keswick videos and now she really wants to go :D Andddd I slept over Lizz's one night and then we went on a walk with Austin. And now we're biffs wooh. I also went to Six Flags which was really fun and we got season passes and we'll probs be going a lot-ish. Not necessarily, we mostly just got it because we knew we were definitely going while we're in Lake George on vacation. Woohoo I'm really exited for that, and the twins and some other family will be really great and just awesome to go back there after not going for like 7 years.

Ugh I REALLY WANT TO GO TO THE INVISIBLE CHILDREN MEETING. D: It's this Saturday and like sleeping over and such in New York City which my mom was pretty iffy about. The cause is great though. But I wouldn't be able to stay over anyway because Sunday afternoon I'm busy. Some people are just going for the day and I wish I could do that. Well I *can* I just don't have a way of getting there. I hope the outcome is great and that there's a lot of media coverage so more people know about everything :D

Going back to school was so depressing, everyone is sad they're not sleeping, and of course I got homework in ALL my classes. I usually like NEVER get homework lol :P Lalalala. People are really frustrating me. I've been thinking about friendships and stuff. People can be so oblivious and rude and I'm sick of it. When people don't realize they're hurting someone's feeling's is worse. When you're being cliquey and like not including someone or like idk if you makes plans right infront of someone but don't think to invite them, that's kinda a little rude. Everyone does that at some point though, I mean even if you think someone can't make it, you can atleast say like "Hey I know you probably can't come, but just so you know, you're invited." Because even if they have plans, it's still feeling left out. I see it happening like all the time and grr it's mean, who knows, maybe I do it and don't notice, but I kinda thought I was nicer than that:P

So I went to youth grouppp. With Jessss. It was fun. And we were suppose to talk about dirty texting? Lol weeelll luckily they changed plans and talked about friendships. Basically everyone was saying like yeah you have a lot of good friends, and then you have your best friends, and you tend to have like ONE best friend... and everyone was saying like all of their BEST friends kinda had a basis of faith and stuff and that really helped them. I mostly agree with that, I tend to be able to talk about more stuff to like my christian friends because like maybe some times you talk about or have a question about they can answer how like you would *want* and answer kind of because they have like the same beliefs of God and stuff and sometimes that makes the difference. But I also have a lot of close friends that don't really know God, or are questioning it. That doesn't mean I don't think of them as best friends, or that I don't trust them for advice or anything. But I do admit like turning to someone who has like the same values, you're more likely to get an answer that you feel supportive of, if that makes sense. Idk. It's definitely easier for someone to understand your motives or something when you're in the same like UGH IDK I CAN'T EXPLAIN. Okay, I'll maybe expand later with better vocabulary :P haha ummm have a good day/ weekendish. Yay tomorrow's Friday! :D Finally! And! nice weather! All weekend! :DDD

Take this sinking boat and point it home We've still got time Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice You'll make it now

Hmmm. I'm having a lot of different feelings at once. Boredom, happiness, nervous, scared, excited, questionable, curious, angry, confused, and I don't even know. Lalala. I've been extremely bored throughout break so far. I mean I definitely would rather this than waking up around 6 and just being extremely tired, but it's like I'm more tired doing NOTHING. Hum, well at least I'll be seeing a few people and family. Hmm. I'm enjoying Twilight. It's cute. In a way I'm kinda mad that I watched the movie first because now I expect what's going to happen, and I already know what the characters look like the way the movie portrays them, but then again, it's also preventing me from like becoming obsessed because there's not much suspense leading up to what I don't know, because I know most of the things that happen in the book :P Well, I'm getting excited though, because I should finish New Moon by the time the movie comes out in November, and then I'll actually be excited about the movie, whereas with the Twilight movie I was like lalala didn't read the book, whatevsss. Tehehe. Okay, weeeellll I should have a busy next couple of days with friends an family :] I should go outside tomorrow. I'm sick of sitting inside on the computer all day, well, ta ta for now :]

I am a flower quickly fading, Here today and gone tomorrow, A wave tossed in the ocean, A vapor in the wind

Well, I had a fairly good Easter. I went to my great aunt's house, which was fun, but I was so incredibly tired, and I wanted to see my other family too, which we didn't get to. So basically I have a TON of Easter candy, and there is nothing too good to eat here, so I'm starting to feel sick. Hmm.. I think my dad just bought stuff though, so I'll go eat fruit and such :] But hmmm, so my sister is seeing the Hannah Montana movie right now, with like one or two girls, and two guys. One of the guys CLEARLY likes her, and I don't think she likes him, but huh, I wonder how those lucky guys felt, because obviously two 12 year old (oh, pardon, one will be 13 in 3 weeks) boys do NOT want to see a movie like Hannah Montana. I mean, my sister even says she's seeing it to make fun of it (she obviuosly WANTS to see it though.) Anyways, stupid 12 year old stuff, but ya know they definitely like those girls :P


AND my friend, and the guy who hated me and apparently doesn'ty anymore (I've been meaning to give him the name Austin) Well, they're going out now. I'm happy for them, don't get me wrong, I just don't know him well enough to know him intentions too well, and idk. My friend doesn't tell me everything so idk if she's leaving stuff out (like before they started going out) or if she will leave stuff out now that they are. I mean I don't wanna hear about every time they have a make out session or anything, but like (before they started going out) he was like giving her hickies and biting her neck and making out and such, and she didn't even tell me that. The only thing she told me one time was that they were fighting and then "resolved their problems". Hmmm. Well I hope he makes her happy :D Oh, but one thing, when one of our friends dated someone who wasn't religious or Christian, we were kinda split because we knew she needed someone who believed the same things to lift her up. But then now she's dating Austin who is agnostic, and that's not much better, because he makes fun of her about God sometimes, and I know he's kidding, but he truely have a big impact on her, and he could easily pursuay her to do anything and I don't want him bringing her down in her faith when she may already be in a low point right now, idk. Welllllllll we'll see how it goes :D

Once again, have a good break. And feel free to plan something with me because I really have NOTHING going on and I want to cry of boredom already :P

I am a flower quickly fading, Here today and gone tomorrow, A wave tossed in the ocean, A vapor in the wind. Still you hear me when I'm calling

I was just playing around with settings and such and changed my layout, it needed a change or something. Not sure if I'm feeling it or not :P

So yesterday me and Jess went to youth group:] It was really fun. They do like youth group every week on Wednesdays by town so you're only with your town, and then once a month at the church. I've only gone to the church one's twice, but I wanna start going to all of them. But I don't really wanna go alone yet. But either people can't or don't want to for reasons and such, so I'll figure it out, hopefully soon :]

Hum, wow Easter's tomorrow, it came by so fast... because I've basically been doing nothing these past couple days. Actually, yeah it's only been 2. It feels like a week already:P Hmmmm. Well I hope everyone has an amazing break and Easter, and remember what it's really about :DD Tehehe, Hi I'm lame, but I love Jesus! Yayyy. Okay, bye.

*Warning:really dumb, really don't bother reading.*This post is stupid I just remembered I wanted to blog about this random stuff.

One thing I hate, not feeling wanted, loved, or needed. And sometimes, I'll admit it, little things that *shouldn't* matter to me, do. And I know this is stupid, but like one of my friends who is one of my best friends, I rarely see her any more, and when we talk she doesn't fill me in on what has happened, and when something's wrong, she doesn't talk to me about it because she has other people, which is fine. But like in a note on facebook it was something like "Who is someone you can tell anything to?" and she named like 5 people, and not me. And it just makes me think if she doesn't trust me/want to tell me, or just doesn't get around to it. She's also not telling me *everything* when she does tell me stuff and it's just aggravating. I know I should just talk to her but I don't want to be annoying, because I always feel like I'm annoying thinking people can always come to me for help and they still don't. So I don't wanna be like "Why aren't you telling me everything?! Because you know, I need to know everything, and you're preventing me from doing that :]" Blah whatever.

And. There's this guy who I've known since like I was 9 or 10 from Keswick, and we went the same weeks every year for at least 5 years. And he ended up liking my best friend I went with. So we basically were only friends like through her (I see a pattern in that... a lot of times I'm friends with people only through people and we're not actually friends (okay, not a lot, but sometimes.)). Anyways, I mean I thought of him as a friend and we've gone through a lot. Some of the few are: me getting him to finally ask my friend out after years, then all this drama happened and our friend basically ran away from camp, but was just some where on campus without telling a counselor with a radio (which was a wicked scary moment of my life), I've seen him CRY... c'mon he had to be friends :P ANYWHO. All that was not relevant, but once again, I saw something on facebook, a wall to wall with him and a girl he thought was REALLY annoying and didn't like, and they never even really talked... and they were acting like friends and it's like YOU HATE HER. Anyways. Idk. I wish I was better friends with him in the past, like actual friends. Because he was a good guy, and now I'm just mad because he's like lalalala best friends with a girl he hated, and I feel like he never cared about me as a friend or anything. The last time I talked to him, when he was actually getting kicked out of camp (which reminds me, he's a freaking jerk.) and he was being an ass to me and telling everyone what happened and only like yelled at me. Okay well this was stupid and it's bringing out more thoughts on how all the people who weren't actually friends with people loved getting in the middle of things and controlling and thinking they were friends. Okay wow this is really lame, I hope you didn't read this.

Feel you when I'm restless Feel you when I cannot cope You're my addiction, my prescription, my antidote

YAY ITS SPRING BREAK! WOOOHOOOOOO! I'm so pumped. I really wanna be able to hang out with a lot of people, visit some family, go to Six Flags, my mom wants to go to the Bronx Zoo, but probably not much of that will happen, but I'm just happy for now school :D I should have gone to bed early so I could go to bed early AND sleep late. Ugh if my sister wakes me up early I'll will be so pissed. Like it will be hard to forgive her :P. So tomorrow there's another youth group thing, it should be fun, but the guy who "hated" me might be going again, and idk if it will be more awkward because they've been um like mackin' it and such >.> but Alex is going so I have her to be awkward with... lol. Humph. I kinda wanna like someone and then have it work out and have a boy friend and know what love is. And it should last forever because I'm so scared to get my heart broken, I think that's why it's so hard for me to like someone or anything because my feelings for them can be so strong that I won't want anything to change between them. With like 4 friends they all liked someone and they either did like them, but ended up not later, and ugh idk it's just sad because at some point or another you'll be led on and everyone will think that guy is really into you (like I thought I know about K and A.) obviously that didn't happen :[ But it really just is one of those things that you'll never know how to handle if you don't go through it, like a lot of things in life. Hummm. Well. It has to happen to me at some point. But the thing is, with me I just don't want to have a *crush* on someone that I don't completely like or don't want to like pursue sometihng further, but then again, I don't *want* a boyfriend right now. But I guess if I had a guy thang going on I would feel differently. Well. I should go to bed soon. Have an amazing Spring Break and Easter and everything!!

PS. Those of you who hated how I wouldn't read Twilight, good news... I'm going to start reading it tomorrow or very soon! Those of you who I will be abandoning on the light side (Allison) I love you and don't hate me :PP

I tried to be cool but you're so hot that I melted

Oh wow. So much is going on. I've been saying that so much lately, but it just seems like more and more is happening and I'm about to explode. Right now I'm at the boiling kettle where the water is boiling and the water is prepared to burst out an is shaking in preparation. Well. More and more water it feels like keeps getting hotter and hotter until it is all boiling and is about to flip the top off. I really shouldn't be feeling negative and blah. But I am. I've just been in a huge depressed mood lately. I hope I'm not *actually* depressed. It's just one of those points in your life where it seems like everything negative just keeps happening and you can't find anything positive. Except I *can* find positive things. That's the thing... for the most part I'm fine, but once I get to thinking about one horrible thing going on, I just keep thinking about and evaluating what's happening or what it could lead to. Ugh. Too much thinking. And in Biology we were looking up genetic disorders. I searched Huntington's disease, because my aunt has the gene for it. After learning more than I had known, I'm getting really upset on what *could* happen to my aunt. It's really upsetting :[ And thinking about her kid's seeing her sick like she had watched her mom, I just hope none of them have to go through it. Hopefully, if she *has* to start showing symptoms, they won't be until much, much, much later in her life.
One good thing, my mom and Lizz's mom are becoming really close friends through her first being in the hospital and my mom visiting her, to now that she's home, she goes and sees her now too. I think it's really good because neither of them really have any friends, and they're just good for eachother. It also allows me to see Lizz a little bit more and such, not like before I couldn't see her as much. Whatever.

... ONE more day of school, that's it! Then SPRING BREAK. I cannot tell you how much I can't wait. There are a lot of people I wanna see/ hang out with and things I want to do, and I porbably won't get to all of them, but it still makes me be hopeful of an excellent week :D Well, as long as I don't have to wake up early, and I don't have to go to school, I'll have fun :]. But warning, I will, actually be bored... lol

Jealousy

I try not to be jealous, but I know it's really hard. This isn't even about MY jealousy. I'm just really amazed at how easily people can hate someone even for the littlest things like being prettier or richer or have more friends. I just think it's stupid. One girl wants to punch my friend because she likes the guy that likes her. I thought she was a good christian, she always went to church and now that she likes him she doesn't even go. I know that's judging, but it shows how much people are willing to change for people. He thinks shes annoying and she's changing everything about her. All to cover up his feelings for my friend because she's jealous and wants to be his. Anyways. I don't get girls. As much as I am one, we tend to get mad over the stupidest things and ever react. Like if a guy cheats on you, you get pissed at the girl and go running back to the guy. What's up with that?! He's the jerk who decided to be an ass towards you and not care about YOUR feelings, but of course it's the girl's fault. I mean of course if the girl is like taunting him and talks him into it, it may be different, but no matter what, HE makes that decision. I'm also surprised at how some people aren't jealous when some people who be, so it's good that their not... But it's like their handling it a healthy way. And that's normal for teenagers. Lol that doesn't make sense. I'm just saying by people handling it the right way, they seem different because people tend to jump to conclusions or just be jealous and not understanding. Hum. That's all for now. Gotta do homework.

Grumpy muffin, but watching Mitchell Davis makes me happy.

Livelavalive -Look it up on youtube. He cheers me up :]


Ugh so I came home from Bigbrother/bigsister and just like flipped on my family. I don't know what's wrong with me, like seriously, I never flip out but lately I've been so pissy and tired. I've been tired for wayy too long and I think it's jsut catching up. I can't even stand ot be around my family anymore, it's just to stressful for me. Because I MAKE it stressful. I love my family, I want to be around them, but I'm just the bitch now so I can't be normal around them anymore. I need sleep. SO bad. I can't remeber, honestly, the last time I've slept and actually felt like I SLEPT. In months, I don't even know how long. UGH I can't wait until Spring break. I need that break SO much. Except right now I'm getting like mad because my stupid sister will probably wake up every freaking day at like 8 in the freaking morning and go around yelling and screaming and stomping around the house because she doesn't want to be up alone. DON'T WAKE UP THEN. MRAWRRRR.
Even just like TODAY I've been such a pissed off person. Everyone is bothering me so unbelievable much, not my firends... guys in particular. They're so freaking annoying and immature and they should go live on a stranded island until they learn to act like a normal human being for once. I even swore a couple times today. I haven't swore (unless I was REALLY pissed, or I needed to scream for a good reason (like my brother being a buttface(that's me trying not to swear.)) in a couple months. And I just swore today like it was nothing. I didn't even feel weird or bad about it until now. I'm turning into someone I don't know who I am or why I'm doing these things. It sounds weird but really, I'm not acting like myself lately, and they're frankly little things that are nbd, but it's kinda weird... :[
I don't know. I just feel like I'm losing my grip on God, kinda. I think it was partly because Keswick is like going down the drain. That place is so unbelievable awesome, I just can't explain it. Really. Everytime I'm driving up, once I start seeing those signs "Keswick 3 miles--->" "Keswick 1 mile --->" on that long dirt road, it's like butterflies, like you get with a guy :P Haha ugh I'll explain my love for it later... :D

Girls, they wanna have fu-un, o0o girls just wanna have fun.

I had a pretty good weekend. Saw Godspell play at school which was really good. Uncle's birthday party on Saturday, a little tense between the two families, we just like didn't mingle with each other for some reason. Then there was they baby shower the next day for Nicole and her baby Victoria. That was really fun, just a ton of girls getting together. Plus I got to see the twin cousins twice this weekend! And numerous other adorable children! Love them.

Ugh Lizz's mom is still not out of the hospital yet:[ Hopefully they will find out what is wrong soon, I just want her to get out of there, she must be going crazy being stuck there for over a month. And my cousin Zaachi with cancer apparently is in the hospital again :[ And my great-Uncle is getting surgery in April on his shoulder. Ugh I just pray all these people get better and are safe. Oh. My little like 3 year old cousin drank a whole bottle of Motrin the other day and I guess had to get her stomach pumped? Ugh that's horrible... but that family is going through so much it must be so tough to keep track of everything.


Hmmm. I really wanna do Relay For Life this year, like on a team. And last year I went and wasn't on a team and walked like 4 miles. I felt good. I would love to be on a team. But like most of my friends already like have a team, for something else... so like I understand they don't want to let me in then like a million other people would join and it would ruin their origonal plan, so I'm not mad or anything. I just wanna find some people/ a team to join because I would love to do that, so if anyone has any ideas, let me know... :D

I'm ordering Invisible Children stuff. 2 shirts and I think a bracelet. I just want ot raise awareness and support the organization. Plus, all the money goes to either the rescue or to like building homes or schools for after they're rescued. Sad that there's back orders though, but actually glad because that means people are aware of the cause and raising awareness and support them and buying stuff :D I wish I could just go and save all those poor little child soldiers :[

Hmmm. I kept thinking about stuff to blog about but as always, I forgot.

Lalalala. I CANNOT wait until Spring Break. I just need to relax. I haven't slept til after 9 in a long timeeee. I'm so used to in the summer sleeping until like 12. But saturdays my sister always ends up waking me up at liek 8 or 9 because she's up alone and doesn't want to be. And then I have to wake up kinda early for church on Sunday.

I have to go s homework and such, but I have to remember to write about last Friday and the incindent with Buddy! :o Stay tuned next time! Dun dun dun...

Not again :| *warning: none of this makes sense:P*

Ugh. So much is going on right now. Maybe compared to some people it's really not a big deal. But normally for me, I don't let little things bother me, then the stress just keeps building up and then I'm like on stress overload. I think a really stressful part of last year is repeating itself again. Which is like scaring me because it was a scary/stressful situation and my parents could barley handle it themselves. Anyways, I hope it works out instead of... not working out. And also, Easter's coming up. Which I'm excited about just because I like holidays, Jesus rose from the dead!, my family hasn't really all gotten together in a while, everyone just needs a break. Except holidays are ALWAYS stressful, and I'm not exaggerating. We used to always do Easter and all of the holidays at my grandparent's house, but they moved into an apartment like a year ago, so they want to have a us do an egg hunt at their church? Then go out for Chinese food? Doesn't that just sound weird? And not traditional. So it's either going to be stressful by something going wrong there, or my grandma is going to like make someone have it at their house. And it would be ours. And that causes more stress because just yeah. Anyways. Sorry about complaining about stress. There's just a lot of it :[

I hate when teachers all have tests on the same day. The past two days I had an English test and today's part was killer. Tomorrow I have bio and history tests and maybe geom quiz. I mean I know the stuff, it's just annoying.

Ugh. My friend's guy problems make me wanna give up on guys lol. At first the guys were like lalaalal im a guy. And then it was working out for like three of my friends, and now their like dead again. Sorry that makes no sense... just ugh guys are stupid:P

To top it all off, *he who hates/hated me* just told me Mrs. Cellelo likes him better. Slap in the face, a jerk liar jerk boy is liked better than me... :P Lol whatever..

Ugh sorry for being so meh. But lalala yeah.

Sammy L Jackson is my father.

Watching Lakeview Terrance. I heard it was scary, but it hasn't gotten to anything scary yet... except I KNOW he's gonna kill those people. I usually haven't been paying attention to the movies I've been watching lately, but this one I have to because Sammy is my father, as my title says. The neighbors are about to go to his house cause he's throwing a party! UGh he's gonna get pissed and kill them!... Oh boy!.

Well. I am SO ready for summer, it's not even funny. I can't wait to wear flip flops and shorts and tank tops/ bathing suits every day. Ahhh and the warth of the sun :]. Well it will be hear soon enough, I suppose. Only like 13 more weeks! And minus weekends and says off like SPRING BREAK, well, it will be soon! Oh boy I will enjoy spring break just being able to SLEEP. I really like sleep. I'm always tired, as I have probably said before, I probably have mono or something.

I don't wanna go to school tomorrow... Monday's are the worst. Everyone's just like dead. Ohhh weeeelllll. The Invisible Children revealing of the rescue plan is this week! Yay! Save. Those. Children. :[

Toodles my friends.

Sweet Caroline, bum bum bum bum good times never looked so good

After updating on reading some of my friend's blogs, I feel like I want to write about a million things. I want love. But I don't. I want some one to make me feel special and happy and give me butterflies. Thinking about it, I feel fuzzy inside, I just don't know who the guy is that is making this happen to me. I don't know. I don't want commitment and getting my heart broken, yet I want that guy.

I an definitely joining the Invisible Children club. It's so sad, I just want to help all of those children being abducted and forced to be soldiers. :[

Okay. So Friday night my church had a big youth group meeting thing. Normally one day a week each town gets together at someone's house and does Y group, but I haven't gone to any of those. But me and Lizz decided to go to the youth group. As we're walking in, I read the text message she sent me while in the car. It says *he, the one who hates me, and she likes *him* is coming tonight. Great. Just great. I felt so reiugjkmsnrfgiukj because I wanted to have fun but this was going to ruin everything. He hates me, another firned of Lizz's, Graham, and erg. So when he walked in I felt confused. I didn't even know why he hated me. The things I said to him were only because I was mad that he was telling her things, then saying the opposite to his friends and really hurting her. Those things I said then made sense at that time, but don't apply anymore... It ended up not being too bad. He went with his friend, who she's really nice, but I don't really know her. Me, Lizz, the girl (I don't feel like putting people's names up when people don't care.), and *him* we all sitting down. Lizz some how kept leaving or talking to Graham. So I was stuck with guy who hates me and a girl I don't even know. I mean he did say hi to me. And apparently now he doesn't hate me, but still. There are things I don't trust about him, or think he is good for Lizz. The night ended up not being too bad, we only siad hi to each other... we have nothing else to talk about.., but he left early and missed the amazing sermon(idk if you call it that.) that this guy was talking about. His testimony is so amazing, and what he said was just really strong. People were crying. It reminds me so much like Keswick, which makes me miss it so much more.

Anyways, it's really hard for me to support Lizz in liking *him* when I honestly only know him by judgments. But it's his fault. He's the one who decided to hate me for being a good friend. And be distgusted by my name. So if he or Lizz were to get mad that I wouldn't really want them to go out, it's his fault, he prevented me from knowing him. I wouldn't mind being firneds with him, in fact if I knew more about him and he didn't hate me, or as they say he is pretending to hate me?, I probably would be happy that they both like eachother and see the good things about him. Ugh idunno. I'm just confused now because he said he didn't even hate me after all, which is so rediculous because he definitely did. And I guess whether he did hate me in the first place or not, I guess he doesn't hate me as much, or at all anymore. But how am I suppose to like get along with someone, who for like months just treated me like crap. I mean it's not that bad. It's not like he verbally abused me every day. It was just annoying how he would talk to people about how he hated me, like a TEACHER, that's so stupid... and he would do little things that were mean/stupid/kinda funny if it wasn't me. But my friend would just laugh and think it didn't bother me. It bothered me that he thought he could be mean to me, because she acted like it was okay. Well, I don't know. Maybe we can get along, I don't have anything against getting along and becoming aquaintances or friends, we'll see what happens.

Code names: Marie and Lauren.
So many things Lauren has been doing lately are reminding me of Marie. Most of the reasons I stopped being friends with Marie, I see in Lauren now. Does that mean I won't want to be friends with Lauren anymore? I was just so fed up with those things Marie did once I put all the little things together. So if Lauren seems to be becoming her, how can I still want to be friends. Ugh I want to. But some of the things just seem so outrageous and disrespectful and unimaginable, to me at least. I don't know. Sorry it just makes no sense eihkjdgfmnhbs :[[

In case any one cares... Lizz's mom is doing better I guess. Still in the hospital. They already changed when she was suppose to get out twice, though. I'm sure she'll be getting out fairly soon, I hope!

Ugh I never hang out with my friends anymore;[ I miss it. I feel like Lizz is the only one. Well because she is. But it doesn't have to be. I miss my frienddddssssss, whenever we hang out it's really fun. Except it's been like months. Kaycool. Actually, no. Not cool...:P

I would have usd a pencil but lead's just not permanant

Quick update. REALLY quick. History notes= not a good idea to save for the night before. Too bad everyone did. Yeah. Yay for failing open note quizzes...

Quick update.

So Lizz's mom had surgery a couple days ago and is fine. She had to go into the ICU for a couple days though, but they knew that. And she's in a normal room right now for, I don't know hoe long but at least she's doing well:]

Lizz got a concussion and amnesia yesterday and like stayed at the hospital over night? I didn't find out until 3rd period today, and she came into school at like 4th period. I don't know why she went to school but whatever. Hopefully she's fine now!

I'm going to Keswick tomorrow! It's like a meeting thing because it's like in so much debt and no one is working there anymore and basically it's people getting together and loving Keswick and like thinking of ideas of what to do> I'm seeing one of my all time favorite counselors and I'm so happy! And a couple of friends I've been best friends with since like 5th grade. Except we haven't talked in such a long time. Or seen each other. So it should amazing to reunite:D The only down side is my grandma is taking me and she talks so much. I'm not being mean. It can be very unbearable. And my zune hasn't charged in months. So I'll bring a Walkman CD player :P. I'll be napping on the car ride anyways. Just ugh. Lol. Alright well everyone have a great weekend :D

Random things about me.

I decided to write some things you may or may not know about me. I did one on facebook a while ago but I'll do my best to make them really odd things that you would probably not know unless I told you. It will be interesting to see how many I can get...

1. When I eat a pear, I bite on side so it's perfectly straight. It looks like I cut it off with a knife, I don't know why I do it at all. I just HAVE to do it every time.
2. I really like chewing gum.
3. I really really hate when people chew their food really loudly or make unnecessary noises. I can't explain how much it bothers me, and my brother doesn't know how to chew properly.
4. When I'm around guys, any guy, I don't have to like them, I'm awkward.
5. I wish I was not awkward around guys because I've always wanted a really good guy friend :] :P
6. My hair is basically naturally perfectly straight and everyone loves it, and I am glad I have it.... BUT it bothers me SO much when it like flips or anything, then the straightness is just ruined :P
7. I like to go to bed early. I love sleeping. Hate waking up.
8. I am tired alllll of the time. I guess I'm just used to it now but I feel like I would have mono or something. Not good. But I'm just a tired person.
9. If I go to school or somewhere without concealer on I would probably look like I was on drugs. I still have big bags under my eyes WITH concealer.
10. Subway is my favorite food. Ever. But if I don't get something that I usually get, it's gross. Like no tomatoes? It's just ugly and green with no color! And tastes weird! UGh.
11. I go to church every Sunday (of course there are reason to not go.) And I really enjoy going. Most people hate going because they are forced.
12. I also dislike it a little for the reason that there is this person that only goes to see my friend. And they distract my friend and don't really care about God.
13. I really don't like when people aren't entirely truthful.
14. If someone can't tell me something because someone else said not to, I accept it, but it's always in the back of my mind that it's about me or that they don't trust me.
15. I hate feeling unwanted or not helpful.
16. I really like helping people, and I still try to help when people don't want it.
17. Frozen mudslides are my life. A couple years ago, if there was not the bottle in the fridge to pour in a blender and add ice, I wanted to cry.
18. Biggest Loser is an amazing show and I love seeing the huge changes in everyone!
19. I hate when people hate me... for no reason, especially. A couple dumb freshman think they can think fallacies about me :D
20. Obviously right now, I can't think of really good facts about me. Once I stop I'll think of really amazing ones.
21. Oh! I love love love art. I'm a good artist, I just am uber lazy and never get around ot doing anything.
22. I told my friend from camp I would draw her a picture of a picture I had of us. A few months later, I'm not nearly close to being done :P :[
23. I really wish I was athletic, or at least went for a run or bike ride more often. But I can't breathe when I run, but I also lack self motivation. A lot of it.
24. I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up. Something that benefits others and helps them, I suppose.
25. Basically the only music I listen to is chirstian. They're not all like worshipy I love God lalalala. But christian bands are sweet. Chirs Tomlin is probably my favorite christian singer though.
26. I like other music, I really can like anything from rock to pop, to anoying catchy songs that the words bother me so much because they are all about sex and drugs, to hardcore screaming(the chritstian one are good :D )
27. Taylor Swift is really amazing and pretty and seems nice :] I love her curly blond locks a lot :]
28. I have spent so much time in my life at Keswick, and now it's like gone :[ dead :[ done :[
29. But I beleive I am going up there this weekend for a meeting and some friends I haven't seen in a while will be there! It will be great to catch up
30. I laugh a lot. It doesn't take much to make me crack up and cry. Happens basically daily.
31. I love my friends so so much and I am so happy to be friends with themmm! :D
32. I will continue this later and keep adding things :D

Illuminate the NOs and their vacancy signs

Yesterday was EmLaugh's sweet sixteen party! It was soo fun :] I end up being really hyper at parties. People probably think I'm drunk or something :P And then when me and Allison are together it's just too much hyperness to handle for everyone. I hope everyone had as an amazing time as myself, especially Emily! Lalalala.
So this weekend has been very busy. Friday was Lizz's mom's birthday, so we had a party at the hospital and it was fun. Then Lizz slept over, fell asleep the second she hit the pillow. Funny that happens to an insomniac:P Then Buddy started barking. For and hour. So then my dad slept on the couch and left Buddy out of his crate so he would shut up. Thank you Dad! :D Then Lizz slept until noon and I woke up at 9ish so I was just like la-dy-dah-ing around my house as usual, but I felt weird if I left the room and she woke up she would liek freka out. Especially because she's never been to my house for too long, but oh well. Went the mall, visited Lizz's mom, THEN as we were leaving, so was Lizz's sister and her friend, and their car wouldn't start, so we had to drop them off somewhere, then Lizz at her house. So I ended up getting home like 2 minutes before I was suppose to go pick up Nikki. But I still had to change and get ready and wrap the present :P.
Arg. So Lizz's mom is having surgery tomorrow. And it's very serious and she'll bei n the ICU for a couple days and everything and arg I'm just scared. And mostly for Lizz, too. I think she basically thinks her mom is probably going to die. Which of course that is possible because the operation is big and 6 hours long, but it's not like its a 10% chance of survival. Plus the surgeon has been heard to be really good, so I'm really glad God has put her in his hands :D I just keep thinking in the back of my mind negatively. Like wondering like if her mom didn't make it through how she would probably live with her dad. Of course I don't want to think about that circumstance but I just keep thinking about it and it's really scary. Normally I try to think positively, and I am trying, but arg! I know God can protect her and keep her safe and heal her and help the surgeons take care of what is wrong. I know he will. I can't imagine how Lizz has been. She's either staying at friends houses or like staying home alone.
Her grandma came up, but she's at the hospital like all the time. And she really is in bad shape too. She fainted twice in the past like 3 days. She says she's okay to drive, just not walk. She also is a horrible night driver, but keeps staying at the hospital really late. Arg. I just want everyone to be safe and healthy. This week will be hard too because my mom has been helpingg them a lot and visiting, but since Lizz is a freshman and doesn't have to take the practice CAPTs while we take the real ones, she doesn't have to go into school late so she like can't really stay here. Well she could, but whatever. But I think my mom is going to bring her to see her mom a lot during the week, even if she didn't stay here or anything. I don't knowwwwwwww this whole situation is just confusing and blah and no one cares but whatever. I just want to know everything will be okay :|

'Cause When You're Fifteen, and Somebody Tells You They Love You, You're Gonna Believe Them

I really like Taylor Swift. I like country music, I don't know why. When I was younger I would say I liked anything BUT country, NO country at all. But the truth is I don't think I actually listened to country, I just thought of old hick music with banjos and overalls. But Taylor is a normal girl with songs that I don't know, they're catchy and meaningful. The title I used for today, is also good at explaining why I don't really want like a boyfriend or anything. I just feel like if I fall hard for someone that it will be hard to stop and I'll just get my heart broken. I don't want my heart to be broken over a stupid 10th grade fling that if I look back on it I'll be ashamed of. I'd rather waste my time, well, frankly I don't know because there is nothing to do around here. But! I am pretty excited for this weekend. Emily's sweet 16! :D That should be fun. Lalala I have so much more I want to talk about, like growing up, love, friends. Lalalala I don't feel like writing a lot or wasting people's times. I'll just forget about stuff I want to write about and never write about them :P Farewell.


Oh! One of my best friend's mom has been in the hospital for like a week now with bleeding in her liver and lungs :[ She was suppose to have surgery tomorrow but it got pushed back to I think this weekend. I hope she'll be okay, because it's really serious and such :[

You said the way my blue eyes shined, Put those Georgia stars to shame that night

Lalala. So yesterday I went to a family party, which was fun. My 7 month old twins were there and ever so cute :] And like a family friend just had a baby, Victoria Leigh she was actually released from the hospital yesterday, so it was baby-rama over there! My cousin the same age as me had her friend over so I didn't really spend as much time with her as I normally would have. I kinda hung around them but they had their own conversations and whatever they talked about I wouldn't know what it was, or even care, so I spent time with the behbehs! Lol. And so all today I've just been lazy. Kind of work on some make up work. But one thing I lost the website for the short stories, so I can't do any of my English. Still haven't finished Kwassy's notes due like a week ago! Haha oh well. Hopefully we'll have a snow day tomorrow though! :D It snowed a little earlier, and it hasn't been snowing for a while, but it is suppose to start again at 10 tonight and slow allllll day tomorrow. I just want to sleep in. I've been so tired like all the time for a while, I don't even know how long. It's probably been months. I feel like I have mono, but I don't have an achey body, so I don't know. Lalalala. Okay well I must get back to procrastinating

'Cause I Was There When You Said Forever & Always

I love Taylor Swift :]
I'm listening to a cover done though and that girl is amazing too.

Okay, so when I said I kinda wanted to read Frankenstein I totally don't mean that anymore. I do not understand any of it. So this book should just be oh so fun to read, haha.

I'm so glad it's Fridaay! And I had more energy today which made me not be a grumpy muffin after school either:P We made crepes in culinary yesterday and today. I kinda failed, half the time atleast. I normally can cook. But of course when I'm graded on it I can't :P It wasn't too badddd.

AGHAHAHAHAAHA AND AT LuNCH! OMG! LAWL. We nuggeted(turning it inside out, putting everything back in like it's normal) Noelle's purse. The second day in a row! Haha I love you Noelle! I'm sorry, but it's hilarious! Sorry Sorry Sorry. There are so many things we do that we think are hilarious but if it got done to us we would NOT like it. Ah I guess that's the way life is :P Haha jk... uh gotta go. Have a spelendid weekend!

Hamster on a Piano, hamster on a piano...

Not really sure what I'm going to write here. I should be doing make up work. I did all my spanish and almost all of geometry in study, which is good. They're really the only classes I have a lot of work. Beside English, we're reading Frankenstein. I haven't started yet, I kind of want to read it because I've only known about the green monster and general stuff. But I have a feeling it's not a book I'll really enjoy, but hey that's school for you.

So glad today is Thursday. It feels like Monday for me after being out sick, so I will enjoy tomorrow because it's like a blast through the week. Bahaha I am so lame... and I keep seeing that picture of Nikki and Colin morphed together.
Omg it's pure genious. How can you look at that and not laugh or atleast think it's funny. Atlast we now know if Nikki and Colin ever had a kid, IT, referring to the child thing, would be the worst thing ever created :P Haha well I enjoyed seeing this.



So as I was saying today at lunch, I waste way too much time on the computer. I come home, hope on a computer, get a snack, lalalaa whatever, eat dinner, back on computer... on until I go to bed. It's really not healthy. It's not like I accomplish anything any way. Well hopefully I'll be better at resisting the computer so I can actually find a life. My ACTUAL accomplishments from the computer:
-Level 34 (almost 35) on iminlikewithyou.com . It's an arcade game site and your level basically reflects how much you play. My friends are like level 9s. Yeahhh. I've discovered I wasted over 70 hours of playing just ONE of the games(its really the only one I play). Ahh I hate myself :P
- I have read every single FML on fmylife.com. It's so hilarious, the website tht is. The fact that I did that in less than 3 days is rather so sad someone should like shoot my in the eye with a BBgun.

*Many minutes after* Okay so I just got really hyper and wow. Ah I can't explain it haha. I just got 7 dollars off of my sister from not laughing at David After Dentist on youtube. I ALWaYS laugh when he screams. bhahah, this time i could not laugh just ONCE for money. Yes, that's how I'll pay the bills when I grow up. Bets. :P

Okay well, I shall be off, good day/ night to all

Short blog. For once...

Feeling much better today, and just needed a day or rest and yeah. Still didn't do work that was assigned like a week ago to history, English, and other stuff, which I probs have to all hand in tomorrow. So I'm trying to figure out what to so about the English essay. But once I start hopefully I can get it done quick. Meh. So I don't have much to report, other than people are really lame and such bitches some times. They even resort to attacking friends, rather than the person they are actually trying to hurt. Ugh. I'm not even involved with this situation and I'M fed up watching things like that happen, I can't imagine how much it sucks to actually be involoved, and since like half of you reading this are, I'm sorry you have to deal with that, it's totally not necessary or wanted, and they just need to get a freakin life and get attention from people that actually, surprisingly care about them.

Just dance, gonna be okay, da-da-doo-doo

So Ring Dance was Friday, which was surprisingly really fun. Last year I didn't have as much fun at Snowflake so I expected this to be the same, but nope. I didn't dance with anyone or anything, I just had a lot of fun with friends. And I was happy for those who had good dates coughcough:] And I love my ring, it's lovely :] Then Saturday morning I woke up with a stuffy nose and knew I was getting sick, and it happened the next day. So Sunday I felt crappy and lazy and my throat was killing me every time I swallowed and just ugh. Monday I got ready for school but still felt like such crap but tried to stick it out for the day because my mom said I could get picked up if I couldn't stay. I went to the nurse, she looked at my throat, and said nothing really looked wrong with it. OKAY BECAUSE I CAN'T EVEN SWALLOW OR DRINK OR ANYTHING WITHOUT FEELING LIKE I'M GETTING TORTURED(the nurses are really nice but ugh). And just gave me some medicine. So went back to class with no energy, feeling just meh, and in pain. I went back to the nurse and told her my mom said I could go home so could I please call to get picked up. So I got picked up. And last night my mom said I probably shouldn't go to school tomorrow(today), so then when I woke up this morning I felt even more crappy, so she called the doctor, I went, and found out I have strep. After I take my medicine like dinner time, bed time, and when I wake up, I shouldn't be contagious anymore, but if I don't FEEL better (there is definitely a difference between not being contagious, and not feeling a-okay) so depending on how I feel tomorrow idunno if I'll be in school. But I kinda feel bad because I definitely shared my water at the dance and I really hope no one else gets sick :[ Of course the one time I willingly share my drink, I probably make the whole school suffer from strep throat, haha. So sorry in advance if I made you sick :[ Well I'm just going to go back to having strep... lucky me... sorry for having to write so much for such a short story and being melodramatic. I hate being sick.

Always going to be an uphill battle, Sometimes you going to have to lose

Miley Cyrus lyrics. I really don't like her. Very much at all. Especially that fact that she is a bad roles model for young children. Any ways, the song, The Climb, has a good message. The end.

So this weekend was pretty fun. Found my Ring Dance dress! It's all purple and ahh I love it! Looking for it was fun. And I had like 4 favorites, so narrowing it down was a toughy. I'm getting pretty excited for Ring Dance. Except I have no clue what I'm doing for like pictures and stuff before. And I'm getting paranoid/ mad. Because I don't wanna end up like begging to hang out with people who don't want me there. Meh. It will work out.

And then I went to Lizz's on Valentine's day! That was fun. We watched the cutest movie EVER, Once. Oh my, I HIGHLY recommend watching it. The songs are so beautiful and it's a such a cute story. Oh, and I found out just how much someone hates me. For no reason at all. That's always good. I was just being a good friend. Go figure, when I actually stand up and say what I want, that person likes to hold grudges. I didn't even say anything bad. I was mostly being sarcastic and funny. I still think my comment was hilarious. Apparently he has not funny bone. Well I don't care. I just hope my friend doesn't end up going out with him (she likes him...) or else, knowing him, he would like ban her from being friends with me. Whatever. I don't like the fact that she likes him after what he did to her, but she's willing to take that risk, so. I guess I'm ok with it no matter how much he hates me. I had a fun night, but we, well I stayed up] until 3, which is really late for me... kind of anyone. But she never sleeps. So when I said I was tiered she made a comment like "pshh 5 hours of sleep? I'm lucky if I can get that in a week". WELL. I can't function with less than like 8 hours of sleep and I'm in a bad mood for a week. And I've already been in a bad mood. And now I'm getting sick. SO excuse me for not being an insomniac like you and being fine with staying up all night. Sorry. I love her, but just because she can't sleep doesn't mean no one can complain about not being able to hold their eyes open. I sound more mad than I am. I'm not mad. But bleh.
Had a horrible night sleep last night. Wanted to come home from school and sleep for hours. But I had Big Brother Big Sister. Which I actually liked because the beloved Katie was at the back table with me<3 haha. I love her so much, she's so adorable. AND the annoying boy wasn't at the back table, he ALWAYS is. Woot! But then when I got picked up I had to go to the vet with my parents and dog for shots and such for like an hour. So by the time I got home I gave up hopes of taking a nap:P I'll just try to get to bed early tonight, and plan on taking a lovely nap tomorrow:]

This is my 50th post! Wooh

When I first made my blog I thought I'd blog a couple times then drop it, or wouldn't write very often. I've acutally been writing like almost every day for a good time now! Woohoo. Okay os tomorrow's Valentine's day! Yay. Normally I would be all "Meh I don't have a REAL Valentine this year D:" But that's stupid to do. Because Valentine's day means nothing except it's good for chocolate and candy companies, as well as flower shops and expensive restaurants. Plus when I was younger I was way to young to HAVE a Valentine. I mean if kids wanna date when they're young, go right ahead. But I find it pretty pointless. You just set yourself up to get your heart broken earlier and attract boys earlier, I don't know. It seems as all the people who had boyfriends in 5th and 6th grade are the ones in relationships that are kinda serious, which I wouldn't want at this age. I can barely find myself a gut ot have a crush on, let alone devote a lot of time with, like waking the halls, spending free time with them, talking on the phone all night. I mean it's cute. And I like to think that I WANT that, but if it came and hit my face right now I wouldn't really want it. See the thing is I dream of the perfect guy and cute moments and things he should do, but then I'll see nice guy with good potential and such but I always find something wrong. Which probably means in the back of my head I just am really trying to avoid it. Hum. Whatever. I'm not "love sick" this year, which is good. I have my friends who love me and why does having a guy on Valentine's Day any more special than having a guy any other day? He should shower me with gifts and chocolate and flowers and everything everyday! Bhaahahah just kidding. Really.

Anywho. Going shopping for Ring Dance and such tomorrow! I'm excited. It's in a week from today! Woah. Ah. Hokay. And then I'm going to my friends house and sleeping over and church.
I thought I was hanging out with Alex, her boyfrannn Timmayyyy, and Lizz, but apparently the plans changed that Alex wasn't able to go out, but could have Tim over, but not anyone else. So me and Lizz are spending Valentine's Day together<3 Haha. She's one of my Valentines! So is Alex. But she's taken AND I won't see her :[ And Allison is one as well! And of course my favorite ;] (It's not only because she's the only one who reads this blog out of my Valentines!) Tehehe<3

Okay well. Have an excellent Valentine's Day! And just know that you're friends are you're true Valentines and will love you forever, not a stupid guy:]

I really can't think of a title.

I went to the movies today to see Coraline. It was pretty good. And I had fun because it was with people I don't normally hang out with, and I haven't been to the movies since I THINK Fool's Gold, which might possibly have been almost a year ago? I love going to see movies, but I just never do, idunno... maybe I'll start arranging more movie going now?

I'm so excited for this 5 day weekend! Right now I would normally be in bed, either sleeping already or almost sleeping. But I am able to stay up as late as I want without having to suffer the next day by getting no sleep! Haha, yay! I'm always tired, no matter how much sleep I get. It's weird.

Anywho. I'm mad because I'm not going to Pennsylvania anymore D: Since my mom would have to drive because be dad doesn't want to go and offered to stay home with the dog, and my mom has a lot of doctors appointments and such within these 3 days, it's just not going to work. Even if she didn't have a lot to do, she wouldn't be able to drive for like 4 hours. And it pisses me off that my dad doesn't care that she was actually going to do that, and he didn't offer to actually come even though he doesn't care about our family. But that's because they never ever have gone out of their way to see us. Or even show up for holidays for that matter, lol. blah whatever.

I'm dying my air tomorrow and I'm so pumped. It prob won't be a big difference, but I'll feel like a BAMF. Not really. I'll just feel cool, okay? I always feel cool. Because I am oh so very cool! :]

And my adorable cousin Nea's birthday party is this weekend too! She's two years old and cutest kid I ever saw. AND she has an afro, what gets better than that? No one can ever argue that someone else is cuter :P

OH! AND. I found out I have a lot of money in my bank account (which I never take money out because I like collecting the money and SEEING big numbers and never using any of it:] ) And I decided I'm going to buy myself a laptop. I'll feel less of a spoiled annoying teenager complaining that I don't have my own computer when kids are starving and will never see a computer in their life, if I pay for it my self. Hopefully I won't spill water on it by accident again :[

Have a fabulous five day weekend everyone! :D

I can walk on water, I can fly, I will keep on fighting till I die

Humph. I've been kind of, I don't know, lately. Too many good slash bad slash annoying things going on. I'm not sure if I already said this, but this weekend I might go visit my family in Pennsylvania, which I'm really excited if I get to. But it depends on a lot of things, and the chances of ending up going is probably slim :| Because my dad doesn't really want to go, and someone would ave to stay home with Buddy, so that means my mom would have to drive for 3 and a half hours. And not to mention she needs to stop almost every 30 minutes to walk around. And I'm really not kidding, because of her back she just can't really do much of anything for too long. AND she has some doctors appointments the day before and the day of, that may make her hurt her back by getting evaluated and such. I just really wish I could go see them, Jayden has been their foster kid for like 5 years and she's just like family and I just like her so much. And if I could see her that would be awesome. Then her two brothers, of like, 9... Xavier and Zaachi went into custody because they were with their grandma then something happened. Then Zaachi was all like hyper and they thought he might hurt their little girl Maggie, so he went back into custody with someone else. But then they found out he had cancer, and that's why he was like irukgjmhsdngkj hyper or whatever. All three of them are back with my aunt and uncle, and I just really want to see them. Their whole situation is horrible because their mom has, I think nine kids, and they all have different fathers. And most of them are, or have been in jail. So they really just have hard lives.
Oh. And I really don't like awkwardness. Which seems to attract around me. Someone was my best friend since, I don't know when, we met in 3rd grade I think. And well we stopped being friends a couple years ago. So of course this year, well atleast this semester, she is in 5, 6 including the same lunch period, but that doesnt count, of the same classes as mine. If we were friends I would completely love that, because I don't have more than 2 classes with a friend of mine. But since we've already gone last semester without saying much to eachother, it's hard to like randomly become friends again. And she's not really friends with people I would like to be around, just like, what they do. I don't know. I wish we either stayed firends and enjoyed having tons of classes together, or were still not friends and didn't have any classes together. Because I have like no classes with my best friends, except for a FEW classes and lunch.
Meh. I don't like being grumpy because my whole family is grumpy. If everyone was happy and jolly and kind then I would be. I mean I'm not all emo and I hate life. But when someone is in a bad mood I tend to be for a little bit. But once I'm with friends or doing something fun it's not too bad. Woot three day school week and then a 5 day weekend. I'm so pumped! :]

Am I just another manwhose time went fast, what does it take to be called great. I don't wan't to live dying on the inside -Skillet.

I've come to realize that it is coming, taking action. It can be many things. But it is bad. It may turn out for the good, but we all know it is coming. We've seen the signs of it. We're aware that it is coming. Everything that has happened has led up to it, yet some of us chose to speak of it and some try to pretend they don't know what it is or what it is going to do. We know that it is going to change who were are. We know that it exists. We don't want to believe it, but we just know. It happens all the time. It is not welcome near us, yet it is going to enter despite being unwelcomed. It is never welcomed. Yet it always comes. Sometimes it doesn't. But it is coming in this case. This case is ruined. We'll never be the same. We just don't want to admit it is happening. At least some of us. If you admit it is happening, the more you can do to prevent it as possible. The longer you try to hide and not defend, the faster it will come. The first step to getting help is admitting you have a problem. It doesn't like admittance. It will hide. And never come back. So do all you can do to prvent it. Hiding in fear rushes it. Fix it, now, then it won't come. Like I said, it can be anything. It can be so vague yet so distinct. How you see it changes everything. It is anything.

I felt like being, I don't know. creative-ish. Intelectual, in a way. It. is. iukdgjmhnsrgdskmdngv sjldmsf.

If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks then I'll follow you into the dark

I came home from school, my brother came home for the weekend. I was kind of glad to see him because the last time I saw him seemed so distant from now. Even though we don't really talk at all besides saying Hi or something generic, it just kind of feels different when he's not here. It's not like he ever walked out of his room often because he stored food and drinks up there. But at night he would come out and watch TV with us. Basically. Shortly after I was home, my sister called from the bus to see if my cousin Sammi could come over. Her dad's house is literally 2, maybe three houses away from our road/house, so she was already on the bus. She comes over on Mondays, she has been for a couple years. But when she ends up not coming for some reason I end up being bummed. And when she does come I get in the worst mood because she stresses everyone out. My mom becomes such a beeyotch (no offense) to her because she is just so loud, annoying, nonstop, and eats everything in site. AND in the living room when every time she is over we tell her not to eat in ther (even tohugh we do, but it's our house). And my sister changes when she's over as well. She feels the need to be extra bratty and rude to our mom and try to act cool in front of her or something. Oh what seventh grade can do to you.
So when they walked inside, I was sitting on the couch watching SNL videos (The Lawrence Welk Show, LAWLZ.) And for a while she just sat like across the room, but suddenly she had an urge to sit next to me. Not next to me, but touching me. Really obnoxious. When I'm at the computer at home I hate when my sister sits on the couch a foot away from me, let alone RIGHT NEXT TO ME READING EVERY SINGLE THING IM DOING. So when she tried to grab one of the earbuds I was using to listen to the videos and block out all the sudden noise brought in my house, I declined. She was rather shocked because she's used to getting everything she wants. She really is a spoiled brat. She's on her what, sixth phone? I've have three phones in my life, and I only got the second one because with my first phone screen was completely black. I even used it for months while half of the screen was black. And of course all of her phones have been 200 dollars or more. Mine have been Free After Rebate phones. This is not jealousy. She is purely spoiled. When she loses a phone charger for her highly expensive phone, instead of getting a $10 charger, she gets a new phone. And the fact that when her mom can get an upgrade, Sammi gives her her "old" phone, and gets a new one, so she gets new phones twice as often. And when you include when she gets more phones when she loses them or breaks them or loses the charger, that is too many phones I can count on one hand. Extremely redonkulous. Back to the story. So of course the reason why she is sitting skin to skin, well shirt to shirt on the couch, is because my sister is sitting on the way other side with Doritos (Hahaha Tyler! Ah I miss those videos..) but for some reason she is compelled to breathe the same air I breathe. So eventually I dig in to let her watch videos when she says "Here, look up funny commercials... oh... is that what you wee watching..!?" So we watched a couple. Then I said I was tired of watching videos. And my friend was IMing me and upset about something, but I couldn't really talk to her because Sammi would have read every word before I got to. She was visiously texting to her oh-so-popular friends because she is just so cool and everyone loves her. Any ways. She was still reading it. I could tell. And that bugs me so much. For some reason I'm weird about when my sister sits close to me on the computer because she probably will read stuff and I hate that. So when my cousin hops on the couch RIGHT next to me, incase you didn't get that earlier, causing a lot of weight to weigh the recliner on the couch down, another pet peeve, when she asks "Why is the recliner, like, low and like, going down" And me and my mom respond something along the lines of "because the recliner in this couch is meant for one person. It is one seat... Not a lot of weight" She just pretended like that hint wasn't enough to kick her off.
She is rather dumb as well. And I really only say that because it is oh so VERY true. She stole the computer and went on wittyprofiles.com, and she found herself reading a "How to keep an idiot busy for hours, scroll down" And when you scroll down you read, "How to keep and idoit busy for hours, scroll up" As I look in the corner of my eyes she just keeps scrolling up and down up and down up and down asking why she doesn't get it. I respond with "Are you serious?! Like you're really kidding right? Please tell me you are. You REALLY don't get that,...REALLY?!" I made her feel like an idiot. But she is. She just kept pretending like she didn't understand, I mean really, do you have to ACT dumb to get attention, because I'm pretty sure every second of your life you try to have all eyes on you. Agh. And I only spent like 2 hours with her, because I luckily escaped to Lizz's house for a couple hours. Oh. And when Sammi was sitting next to me, she was eating her Doritos SO obnoxiously loud. Jessica, you'll understand this. She was nomnom-ing and crunchcrunch-ing. Like "[Ohmuhgawd! That's so disgusting!] NOMNOMNOM." Except it was in my ear. I HATE that. Wow I can't beleive how much she annoys me. In ONE day. She ruins my Friday. I was so tired and bitter already and she had to come and inconvenience everyone by making everyone else in a bad mood, when we're already in one. I mean she *can* be fun, when I *feel* like having fun with her. But most of the time when she is over I am far too tired, stressed out, and grumpy from school. She is just always peppy and hyper and loud. And my family is quiet, TV watching, hush toned voices. One good thing about her coming over, is that my mom says "when she comes over, she makes me appreciate my kids more", uh, thanks? Well, if you read all of this you are. An amazing person... and maybe I'll give you a prize.

So I can take Your fame and glory for all to see no matter where Your hand may lead me

rukgjgsnjksdmgbnsdfkjajdfmwolaksfnms dxcvjkdfnsdr.
So bascially I don't think my cousin is doing so good after all. My mom said my grandparents are acting like... it's the end... and I really don't want to think that. There still is hope. It doesn't have to be the end. I'm just scared. But I don't really know if it is as bad as they say it is, because my uncle's facebook status siad he would only be in the hospital for a day or two, yet my grandparents are liek really freaking out. I mean it's a bad situation. But my grandma always makes everything a huger deal than it really is, so sadly, I really don't know how bad things are when it comes ot Grandma. And it doesn't help that they are the only people who we get our information about all of that from. Erg. I don't know
Currently listening to: 100 Years
We really only do have one hundredyears ot live. Even less. Maybe even more, if pollution and cigarrette smoke lessens. Just because we're young and should make the best of our lives, that doesn't mean we have to go koo-koo-bananas(as said by Manny from Degrassi :P) and party and do everything to screw up our lives. It means find yourself, what you're good at, people who love and support you, and ENJOY life, not RUIN your life before you're out of high school ie. getting pregnant, getting drunk every weekend, getting high. I don't know if it's just me, but I kind of realize those ruin your future. So doing that, because EVERYONE is aware of what they can lead to and do to your body, you're asking to screw up your life and get the reputation you have. So when you think about only having a hundred years to live herre on earth and being young, making the best of it doesn't need ot be doing things that ruin your life. Find hapiness and love :]

I feel like moving to the rythm of Your grace Your fragrance is intoxicating In a secret place, 'Cause Your love is extravagant

Currently listening to: Your Love is Extravagant, Casting Crowns
Current mood: euodhjsndgkjmnsdbnBleh.

My uncle's facebook status is that my cousin is doing ok, and that he will bei n the hospital for a day or so until his white cell count is higher.
So I'm really glad he's doing better. The whole thing last night was just scary. When I found out, I was just like shaking with fear and coldness. But I also felt warm, because I have great friends to support me. And I could turn to so many people to ask you have Zaachi in their thoughts and prayers. But I also got more upset because that family lives in Pennsylvania. Sometimes make it up here for holidays. And I stress sometimes very strongly. They always had something better to do or felt sick so didn't feel like coming. Which I understand, but when you have about 18 family members here who you haven't seen in like a year, you'd think they'd try more. Then when they got Zaachi and found out how sick he was, they have a real excuse not to come up. Which sucks. Because I want to meet him. So badly. I can't even explain it. And his sister and one of his borthers is also living with my aunt. I absolutely love Jayden. She'd be like my best friend, if we kept in contact. But when we do see each other we have an amazing time. And I met Xavior once. He's really awesome and seems wicked nice. I'm so glad they found a great home with my aunt and uncle. They also have a little girl of their own, Maggie. I wish I could really watch her grow up. Everytime I see her she looks like a new person because she growsso much between the large gaps of family get togethers. If I could drive I would visit them very often, no matter how much it seems like they don't care about us up here. I mean, my uncle really doesn't. He would make a better effort to see us. This isn't jsut recently, the only reason I would probably know who he is, is because he was the gym teacher at the school I went to from like preschool to second grade. Out side of school I never saw him. Maybe once in a while I went to my grandparents house 5 minutes away to visit. Then he met Susie, who is his wife now. And whenever they would visit family would be HER family in West Virginia. They went there like every weekend thier first year of their marrage. And I remember even one time for Easter we had to keep rescheduling the day we did it (If it's not because of them, it's someone else in my family EVERY holiday) because they couldn't come. Then that day us kids were waiting patiently for hours for them to show up for us to go egg hunting because they just HAD to be there, even though they had no kids. So when they got there... they brought their luggage inside and said hi to everyone and left for a little bit to go shopping for Jayden, who wasn't in their custody or anything yet, it was years before. So. We waited hours for a hello the be able to be waved off to go searching for treasures such as candy and pennys. They came back later to hang out and such, but still. Humph. I just really had to vent. But I am extremely excited Zaachi is doing better. I hope I get to visit them sometime soon. Thanks for all your prayers and support<3

All our hope is in You, All the glory to You, God

The second I finished my last post, my mom told me that I neede to call my grandma because she wanted me to ask people to pray for my foster) cousin. I think I've said some stuff about him once. He is seven, maybe eight years old. I haven't been able to meet him yet for like a year. Any ways. They found out he had cancer in his legs, crushing his bones, in his hips, and in his lungs. He was doing pretty well and had a couple operations. But, at this very moment he is in the hospital with a high fever, excruciating pain in his hip, and a white blood cell count of zero. I have typed those words to I don't know how many people, within like. Thirty minutes. Asking like everyone I know to please please please pray for him. So please, if you are reading this, please do. I'm so scared and I don't know right now. Thanks... I'll keep everyone updated...

We were meant to live for so much more, we lost ourselves

I just got this in an email, and I usually read it and don't pass anything on or care about it, but I really liked what this man said.
"No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on. And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for.
You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems: If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centeredness, which is "my problem, my issues, my pain." But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others."

This caught my eye because so many people think that when something bad happens, that it attracts more bad things, and they suddenly think everything surrounded by them is bad. But that's not true... because no matter what, there will always be something great in your life. And sometimes just knowing that there is something to look forward to and live for, is all that keeps them living. So, know that there is always going to be something wrong, but there will always be something right, at the same time. Having something to deal with all the time is good... because if everything is perfect... what's the point in anything. I just wish anyone struggling with their life would know that. Because I know if I didn't know what I knew today, I would want to know that :] It's not like anyone reading this is dealing with that problem... at least I don't think... Well... if you are... just know that... :D

You're the rock on which I stand

So all today I was thinking anout things to blog. And I was excited. Because there's a lot that is frustrating me and connected and such. But. Of course I forget. Funny how I forget what I'm mad about. Whatever. So new semester today. I have like no friends. In Geometry, gym, and culinary arts. And English is fun. In history there's someone I want to because friends with because one of my best friends is best friends with. But we didn't talk. Haha hopefully there will be more growth in our friendship :P And well, in English, we got to chose groups to work in... so I wanted to work with the friendish people in the class. But there wasn't enough room because the groups could only be so big. It was just really frustrating. I was with one of my friends,lets call her Jane. But all she did was complain about how she wasn't welcome at the other table and how they didn't care about her or I, and I just felt like she was only with me because she was mad at her friends, and not actually to be there for me so I wasn't having to work alone, slash with a group of people I didn't want to work with. And the other friends of ours didn't even care that we were separated. It sucks when you feel unwanted... and the fact that they didn't like realize that we were left to work with only each other rather than like a group of 4 which we were suppose to do, is just arg. But whatever. And since in lunch my 2 friends at our old table got switched, I had to find somewhere else to sit. But all my friends in that period wanted to sit in the same place. And there's not enough room for all of us. So I have to figure out something because I don't want to be a bother and take someone else's seat that sat there before. I don't know. Whatever.
I've done pretty well on my midterms that I've gotten back. I think I got an 89 in Biology, and somewhere around a B in Spanish. I thought I was going to like fail Spanish so I guess that's good. Oh. And my cousin, she's 18. Apparently she's moving to Florida in less than a week. Okayyy. I don't think she'll stay their long because I don't think she's ready to live on her own. I don't know why she's going there but I know she met a guy online from Florida and visited him a little while ago. I hope she's not like rushing or something. Andd I also found out like stuff she does and it makes me sad how she's totally not what I thought she was. And her parents think shes and angel. Ha yeah right. And her younger brother is 14. He smokes I think. And he's always saying inappropriate tings. Like he always told my sister all this bad stuff when she was really young. He's so disgusting.Erg that's all for now. I'm off the listen to Chris Tomlin. Or watch Norman Gentle on youtube more. ha ha.

Free, now I am free, Your love rescued me, Now it's the anthem I'm singing

Currently listening to: You Lifted me Out, Chris Tomlin
Changed to: God of this City, Chris Tomlin.

So um yeah I'm jamming to Chris Tomlin's Hello Love. Not like anyone besides Aliison cares :P

Erg. I've been so like I don't know. Like emotional. Not EMO. Emotional. Many emotions. I think it has to do with my brother. He lives 10 minutes away, yet os much has changed. But it's so much better than people who have to stay millions of miles away form eachother. Or say goodbye forever. Erg. And my mom has been weird lately too. Because it;s around the time 6 years ago she slipped on ice and messed up her back which has led to oh so much more. And the anniversary of my Aunt Amanda's death, of brain cancer, is today too. I really wish I could have met her. I did, but I was two when she died. Why couldn't we have memories that young? My Uncle Duane... who died when he was 18, I never met him. Everyone says he said he remembered BEING born. Is that possible? Hmm. I wish I knew him too. All the great people that could be in my life died before I turned 8. I still have family at least. I just am sick of their drama and self absorbed-ness. (Currently listening to: I Will Rise) Erg. And one of my best friends might have to go to a catholic school in New York next year. Which is cool, but I'm just selfish and don't want her to go. I'll see her on weekends, but it's just the fact that she's not there. Or that I'm not there for her physically. I'm just scared we'll grow apart. I'm sick of growing apart from great people in my life. I wish my life would kind of stay the same it is right now. Yet at the same time I wish it wouldn't. I don't know. It's not like she's my only friend. And maybe even being separated can make us closer. As long as it's for the best. Merg. I guess that's all for now. I've already blogged twice today and all.

Comatose, don't wanna wake up with out and overdose of youuu

Just sitting here eating an apple. Just did two extremely long survey note things on facebook. I'm done with those for a while. Or a day. As I was typing this I choked on the apple I'm eating for 2 brief minutes. My cousin Sammi is over. Currently eating Cool Ranch Doritos quite obnoxiously. One of my pet peeves. My sister is yelling and threatening the dog for no reason, so Buddy is trying to attack her. She jumped in the recliner and put the recliner up... as Buddy was jumping... and I think it hit him and he pounced back... my mom almost cried. Actually she like WAS crying.
I, well my mom, ordered CDs the other day, they just came. They consist of (Allison cares) Chris Tomlin's Hello Love. And Not of us (I think it's called that?) Um Across the Universe soundtrack. Mamma Mia sountrack. Some Switchfoot CDs, old ones. And my mom got some Beatles. Oh! And Skillet. And olderish one... because I have the most recent.. I think.
Okay well I hope you enjoy my uber boring story but not even really a story.
Oh. DBQ today went okay I guess. It took me the whole time, I hope I did good because I got a 72 on the multiple choice which counts as half. And English went well. It was pretty easy. So Yup. I'm extremely excited midterms are over. Not excited about having Kwassymodum though :P But I will probs make friends in there (none of mine are in there..) to make funny of him, what was it Allison? His jiggley neck? Haha now I'm just picturing you shake your head in a I-Have-Multiple-Chubby-Chins-Just-Like-My-Biffle-Kwassy. And I found a friend that I have Culinary with so it should be fun. I still have the same lunch. But I don't know what I'm going to do about like where to sit and such :|

You are so beautiful, to mee...

I'm watching the Little Rascals, amazing movie :] And I haven't seen it in a while so I'm excited. I loved when Alfalfa was singing to Darla on the boat<3 Well. My internet is going crazy and keeps going in and out on my neighborhood and such. The TV even went out for a couple minutes. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LITTLE RASCALS TOO ! But right now the internet is working, so I'm happy. Erg. I really want to get a new phone, the Matrix... it has a keyboard and such and I really want a phone like that. But it's a lot, and not a necessity either so I guess that won't happen unless I use over 200 dollars of my own. And I really want a new computer, which is even more. But I'm fed up with everyone getting pissed at me for everything wrong with the computer. My mom has been like blaming me for a lot ever since my brother moved out. But I can't blame my parents because they have a lot going on and having him move out is a big deal and everything. Maybe for my birthday I can pay for like half of a laptop or something. I don't think Keswick will be open this summer, so technically, money used for a computer or something would have normally been used for Keswick. Ugh I don't know. I don't NEED any of this, and we don't have the money and I definitely don't have the money. So I'm just being stupid :] And I'm sure no one wants to hear me complaining about getting new expensive things and then complaining about no money. Lalala. I went to church today, and I always go with one of my friends, and another friends usually goes every other week (because when she's with her dad every other weekend she doesn't go). But the past like 2 months with snow and other things, she has come like twice when I'm there. And she came today so it was fun :] Ugh I have my DBQ and english midterms tomorrow. Four hours of writing. Pure joy. And then new semester and schedules. Can't wait to have Kwassykins. Not. :]

I want youu.... I want you so baaad

Across the Universe<3 :]

Okay. So I hate feeling left out. PS, I'm not studying. Most of the time little things don't bother me, but just recently I've just been sensitive and arg. So yeah. Yup. And I hate not knowing things. I don't cross the line, but like it bothers me if someone tells someone something, and they can't tell me. It's like they can't trust me. Which I understand, say, if someone told someone who they liked, that they wouldn't want to go around telling everyone, but it's bleh when you think they would be like the first person to tell when you liked someone. Oh well, I don't care.
Hum. I have to think about more things to write about rather than just my boring life. I want to be able to talk about intense intelectual things. Maybe some day that will happen. I wish I could write better too. I am a good writer, it's just, like in blogging, all I do is write what happens, instead of being creative and such. I also wish I could fly, not be afraid to grow up slash fall in love, and no one should have to be paranoid about anything in the world because everyone and everything is perfect. But everyone can't be perfect, they just think they're suppose to pretend to be perfect because they think maybe that will make them, in actuality, perfect. Pretending won't make anything better. And I don't like people who are fake. Or pretend to be tough, or are mean to people. Because no one is perfect and the fact is if you're giving someone a hard time it's only to make yourself feel better. And like I said, that won't make anything better.

I searched the truth, but all I found was You. My God, I'll only ever give me all -Hillsong:]

Lalalala. Delay this morning. The schools should have just been closed or something. The roads were still really icy, AND it messed up the midterms schedule, making it 90 minutes longer until the actual school day was over. It didn't really affect me, because I have 4th period study, but I would have enjoyed another day of no school :P My eye is progressively getting better slash worse. It's like getting greenish yellowish and like spreading a little more, but that means it's healing which I guess is good. So this afternoon, my mom and my dad had to take my mom to like a doctor or something, and since my brother's moved out, I was, and still am, home alone. I rarely get to be home alone because both of my parents don't work, and my sister comes home like 30 minutes after me. So I never get like any time ever to just like be alone with out my sister annoying me. Although I feel bad because I never do anything with her and I'm on the computer. Any who. Buddy, our puppy, wouldn't stop barking and crying after they left. And once I got him to come near me and not be sad he would start attacking me and barking and biting. So I put him in his crate. And he calmed down. But then I walked by and he started freaking out and I felt bad so I let him out. Then he slept. Then he woke up. And now he's sleeping again. I hope you all enjoyed that story :P Basically all I've been doing since like 11 this morning is on the computer and such. Saaaaad. But I got to facebook chat shortly with two counselors from Keswick whom I love, so I'm glad. Lalala. Okay, well I have spanish midterm tomorrow, which I will probably so bad >.< style="font-style: italic;">so bad. I'm off to study.