Grumpy muffin, but watching Mitchell Davis makes me happy.

Livelavalive -Look it up on youtube. He cheers me up :]


Ugh so I came home from Bigbrother/bigsister and just like flipped on my family. I don't know what's wrong with me, like seriously, I never flip out but lately I've been so pissy and tired. I've been tired for wayy too long and I think it's jsut catching up. I can't even stand ot be around my family anymore, it's just to stressful for me. Because I MAKE it stressful. I love my family, I want to be around them, but I'm just the bitch now so I can't be normal around them anymore. I need sleep. SO bad. I can't remeber, honestly, the last time I've slept and actually felt like I SLEPT. In months, I don't even know how long. UGH I can't wait until Spring break. I need that break SO much. Except right now I'm getting like mad because my stupid sister will probably wake up every freaking day at like 8 in the freaking morning and go around yelling and screaming and stomping around the house because she doesn't want to be up alone. DON'T WAKE UP THEN. MRAWRRRR.
Even just like TODAY I've been such a pissed off person. Everyone is bothering me so unbelievable much, not my firends... guys in particular. They're so freaking annoying and immature and they should go live on a stranded island until they learn to act like a normal human being for once. I even swore a couple times today. I haven't swore (unless I was REALLY pissed, or I needed to scream for a good reason (like my brother being a buttface(that's me trying not to swear.)) in a couple months. And I just swore today like it was nothing. I didn't even feel weird or bad about it until now. I'm turning into someone I don't know who I am or why I'm doing these things. It sounds weird but really, I'm not acting like myself lately, and they're frankly little things that are nbd, but it's kinda weird... :[
I don't know. I just feel like I'm losing my grip on God, kinda. I think it was partly because Keswick is like going down the drain. That place is so unbelievable awesome, I just can't explain it. Really. Everytime I'm driving up, once I start seeing those signs "Keswick 3 miles--->" "Keswick 1 mile --->" on that long dirt road, it's like butterflies, like you get with a guy :P Haha ugh I'll explain my love for it later... :D

Girls, they wanna have fu-un, o0o girls just wanna have fun.

I had a pretty good weekend. Saw Godspell play at school which was really good. Uncle's birthday party on Saturday, a little tense between the two families, we just like didn't mingle with each other for some reason. Then there was they baby shower the next day for Nicole and her baby Victoria. That was really fun, just a ton of girls getting together. Plus I got to see the twin cousins twice this weekend! And numerous other adorable children! Love them.

Ugh Lizz's mom is still not out of the hospital yet:[ Hopefully they will find out what is wrong soon, I just want her to get out of there, she must be going crazy being stuck there for over a month. And my cousin Zaachi with cancer apparently is in the hospital again :[ And my great-Uncle is getting surgery in April on his shoulder. Ugh I just pray all these people get better and are safe. Oh. My little like 3 year old cousin drank a whole bottle of Motrin the other day and I guess had to get her stomach pumped? Ugh that's horrible... but that family is going through so much it must be so tough to keep track of everything.


Hmmm. I really wanna do Relay For Life this year, like on a team. And last year I went and wasn't on a team and walked like 4 miles. I felt good. I would love to be on a team. But like most of my friends already like have a team, for something else... so like I understand they don't want to let me in then like a million other people would join and it would ruin their origonal plan, so I'm not mad or anything. I just wanna find some people/ a team to join because I would love to do that, so if anyone has any ideas, let me know... :D

I'm ordering Invisible Children stuff. 2 shirts and I think a bracelet. I just want ot raise awareness and support the organization. Plus, all the money goes to either the rescue or to like building homes or schools for after they're rescued. Sad that there's back orders though, but actually glad because that means people are aware of the cause and raising awareness and support them and buying stuff :D I wish I could just go and save all those poor little child soldiers :[

Hmmm. I kept thinking about stuff to blog about but as always, I forgot.

Lalalala. I CANNOT wait until Spring Break. I just need to relax. I haven't slept til after 9 in a long timeeee. I'm so used to in the summer sleeping until like 12. But saturdays my sister always ends up waking me up at liek 8 or 9 because she's up alone and doesn't want to be. And then I have to wake up kinda early for church on Sunday.

I have to go s homework and such, but I have to remember to write about last Friday and the incindent with Buddy! :o Stay tuned next time! Dun dun dun...

Not again :| *warning: none of this makes sense:P*

Ugh. So much is going on right now. Maybe compared to some people it's really not a big deal. But normally for me, I don't let little things bother me, then the stress just keeps building up and then I'm like on stress overload. I think a really stressful part of last year is repeating itself again. Which is like scaring me because it was a scary/stressful situation and my parents could barley handle it themselves. Anyways, I hope it works out instead of... not working out. And also, Easter's coming up. Which I'm excited about just because I like holidays, Jesus rose from the dead!, my family hasn't really all gotten together in a while, everyone just needs a break. Except holidays are ALWAYS stressful, and I'm not exaggerating. We used to always do Easter and all of the holidays at my grandparent's house, but they moved into an apartment like a year ago, so they want to have a us do an egg hunt at their church? Then go out for Chinese food? Doesn't that just sound weird? And not traditional. So it's either going to be stressful by something going wrong there, or my grandma is going to like make someone have it at their house. And it would be ours. And that causes more stress because just yeah. Anyways. Sorry about complaining about stress. There's just a lot of it :[

I hate when teachers all have tests on the same day. The past two days I had an English test and today's part was killer. Tomorrow I have bio and history tests and maybe geom quiz. I mean I know the stuff, it's just annoying.

Ugh. My friend's guy problems make me wanna give up on guys lol. At first the guys were like lalaalal im a guy. And then it was working out for like three of my friends, and now their like dead again. Sorry that makes no sense... just ugh guys are stupid:P

To top it all off, *he who hates/hated me* just told me Mrs. Cellelo likes him better. Slap in the face, a jerk liar jerk boy is liked better than me... :P Lol whatever..

Ugh sorry for being so meh. But lalala yeah.

Sammy L Jackson is my father.

Watching Lakeview Terrance. I heard it was scary, but it hasn't gotten to anything scary yet... except I KNOW he's gonna kill those people. I usually haven't been paying attention to the movies I've been watching lately, but this one I have to because Sammy is my father, as my title says. The neighbors are about to go to his house cause he's throwing a party! UGh he's gonna get pissed and kill them!... Oh boy!.

Well. I am SO ready for summer, it's not even funny. I can't wait to wear flip flops and shorts and tank tops/ bathing suits every day. Ahhh and the warth of the sun :]. Well it will be hear soon enough, I suppose. Only like 13 more weeks! And minus weekends and says off like SPRING BREAK, well, it will be soon! Oh boy I will enjoy spring break just being able to SLEEP. I really like sleep. I'm always tired, as I have probably said before, I probably have mono or something.

I don't wanna go to school tomorrow... Monday's are the worst. Everyone's just like dead. Ohhh weeeelllll. The Invisible Children revealing of the rescue plan is this week! Yay! Save. Those. Children. :[

Toodles my friends.

Sweet Caroline, bum bum bum bum good times never looked so good

After updating on reading some of my friend's blogs, I feel like I want to write about a million things. I want love. But I don't. I want some one to make me feel special and happy and give me butterflies. Thinking about it, I feel fuzzy inside, I just don't know who the guy is that is making this happen to me. I don't know. I don't want commitment and getting my heart broken, yet I want that guy.

I an definitely joining the Invisible Children club. It's so sad, I just want to help all of those children being abducted and forced to be soldiers. :[

Okay. So Friday night my church had a big youth group meeting thing. Normally one day a week each town gets together at someone's house and does Y group, but I haven't gone to any of those. But me and Lizz decided to go to the youth group. As we're walking in, I read the text message she sent me while in the car. It says *he, the one who hates me, and she likes *him* is coming tonight. Great. Just great. I felt so reiugjkmsnrfgiukj because I wanted to have fun but this was going to ruin everything. He hates me, another firned of Lizz's, Graham, and erg. So when he walked in I felt confused. I didn't even know why he hated me. The things I said to him were only because I was mad that he was telling her things, then saying the opposite to his friends and really hurting her. Those things I said then made sense at that time, but don't apply anymore... It ended up not being too bad. He went with his friend, who she's really nice, but I don't really know her. Me, Lizz, the girl (I don't feel like putting people's names up when people don't care.), and *him* we all sitting down. Lizz some how kept leaving or talking to Graham. So I was stuck with guy who hates me and a girl I don't even know. I mean he did say hi to me. And apparently now he doesn't hate me, but still. There are things I don't trust about him, or think he is good for Lizz. The night ended up not being too bad, we only siad hi to each other... we have nothing else to talk about.., but he left early and missed the amazing sermon(idk if you call it that.) that this guy was talking about. His testimony is so amazing, and what he said was just really strong. People were crying. It reminds me so much like Keswick, which makes me miss it so much more.

Anyways, it's really hard for me to support Lizz in liking *him* when I honestly only know him by judgments. But it's his fault. He's the one who decided to hate me for being a good friend. And be distgusted by my name. So if he or Lizz were to get mad that I wouldn't really want them to go out, it's his fault, he prevented me from knowing him. I wouldn't mind being firneds with him, in fact if I knew more about him and he didn't hate me, or as they say he is pretending to hate me?, I probably would be happy that they both like eachother and see the good things about him. Ugh idunno. I'm just confused now because he said he didn't even hate me after all, which is so rediculous because he definitely did. And I guess whether he did hate me in the first place or not, I guess he doesn't hate me as much, or at all anymore. But how am I suppose to like get along with someone, who for like months just treated me like crap. I mean it's not that bad. It's not like he verbally abused me every day. It was just annoying how he would talk to people about how he hated me, like a TEACHER, that's so stupid... and he would do little things that were mean/stupid/kinda funny if it wasn't me. But my friend would just laugh and think it didn't bother me. It bothered me that he thought he could be mean to me, because she acted like it was okay. Well, I don't know. Maybe we can get along, I don't have anything against getting along and becoming aquaintances or friends, we'll see what happens.

Code names: Marie and Lauren.
So many things Lauren has been doing lately are reminding me of Marie. Most of the reasons I stopped being friends with Marie, I see in Lauren now. Does that mean I won't want to be friends with Lauren anymore? I was just so fed up with those things Marie did once I put all the little things together. So if Lauren seems to be becoming her, how can I still want to be friends. Ugh I want to. But some of the things just seem so outrageous and disrespectful and unimaginable, to me at least. I don't know. Sorry it just makes no sense eihkjdgfmnhbs :[[

In case any one cares... Lizz's mom is doing better I guess. Still in the hospital. They already changed when she was suppose to get out twice, though. I'm sure she'll be getting out fairly soon, I hope!

Ugh I never hang out with my friends anymore;[ I miss it. I feel like Lizz is the only one. Well because she is. But it doesn't have to be. I miss my frienddddssssss, whenever we hang out it's really fun. Except it's been like months. Kaycool. Actually, no. Not cool...:P

I would have usd a pencil but lead's just not permanant

Quick update. REALLY quick. History notes= not a good idea to save for the night before. Too bad everyone did. Yeah. Yay for failing open note quizzes...

Quick update.

So Lizz's mom had surgery a couple days ago and is fine. She had to go into the ICU for a couple days though, but they knew that. And she's in a normal room right now for, I don't know hoe long but at least she's doing well:]

Lizz got a concussion and amnesia yesterday and like stayed at the hospital over night? I didn't find out until 3rd period today, and she came into school at like 4th period. I don't know why she went to school but whatever. Hopefully she's fine now!

I'm going to Keswick tomorrow! It's like a meeting thing because it's like in so much debt and no one is working there anymore and basically it's people getting together and loving Keswick and like thinking of ideas of what to do> I'm seeing one of my all time favorite counselors and I'm so happy! And a couple of friends I've been best friends with since like 5th grade. Except we haven't talked in such a long time. Or seen each other. So it should amazing to reunite:D The only down side is my grandma is taking me and she talks so much. I'm not being mean. It can be very unbearable. And my zune hasn't charged in months. So I'll bring a Walkman CD player :P. I'll be napping on the car ride anyways. Just ugh. Lol. Alright well everyone have a great weekend :D

Random things about me.

I decided to write some things you may or may not know about me. I did one on facebook a while ago but I'll do my best to make them really odd things that you would probably not know unless I told you. It will be interesting to see how many I can get...

1. When I eat a pear, I bite on side so it's perfectly straight. It looks like I cut it off with a knife, I don't know why I do it at all. I just HAVE to do it every time.
2. I really like chewing gum.
3. I really really hate when people chew their food really loudly or make unnecessary noises. I can't explain how much it bothers me, and my brother doesn't know how to chew properly.
4. When I'm around guys, any guy, I don't have to like them, I'm awkward.
5. I wish I was not awkward around guys because I've always wanted a really good guy friend :] :P
6. My hair is basically naturally perfectly straight and everyone loves it, and I am glad I have it.... BUT it bothers me SO much when it like flips or anything, then the straightness is just ruined :P
7. I like to go to bed early. I love sleeping. Hate waking up.
8. I am tired alllll of the time. I guess I'm just used to it now but I feel like I would have mono or something. Not good. But I'm just a tired person.
9. If I go to school or somewhere without concealer on I would probably look like I was on drugs. I still have big bags under my eyes WITH concealer.
10. Subway is my favorite food. Ever. But if I don't get something that I usually get, it's gross. Like no tomatoes? It's just ugly and green with no color! And tastes weird! UGh.
11. I go to church every Sunday (of course there are reason to not go.) And I really enjoy going. Most people hate going because they are forced.
12. I also dislike it a little for the reason that there is this person that only goes to see my friend. And they distract my friend and don't really care about God.
13. I really don't like when people aren't entirely truthful.
14. If someone can't tell me something because someone else said not to, I accept it, but it's always in the back of my mind that it's about me or that they don't trust me.
15. I hate feeling unwanted or not helpful.
16. I really like helping people, and I still try to help when people don't want it.
17. Frozen mudslides are my life. A couple years ago, if there was not the bottle in the fridge to pour in a blender and add ice, I wanted to cry.
18. Biggest Loser is an amazing show and I love seeing the huge changes in everyone!
19. I hate when people hate me... for no reason, especially. A couple dumb freshman think they can think fallacies about me :D
20. Obviously right now, I can't think of really good facts about me. Once I stop I'll think of really amazing ones.
21. Oh! I love love love art. I'm a good artist, I just am uber lazy and never get around ot doing anything.
22. I told my friend from camp I would draw her a picture of a picture I had of us. A few months later, I'm not nearly close to being done :P :[
23. I really wish I was athletic, or at least went for a run or bike ride more often. But I can't breathe when I run, but I also lack self motivation. A lot of it.
24. I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up. Something that benefits others and helps them, I suppose.
25. Basically the only music I listen to is chirstian. They're not all like worshipy I love God lalalala. But christian bands are sweet. Chirs Tomlin is probably my favorite christian singer though.
26. I like other music, I really can like anything from rock to pop, to anoying catchy songs that the words bother me so much because they are all about sex and drugs, to hardcore screaming(the chritstian one are good :D )
27. Taylor Swift is really amazing and pretty and seems nice :] I love her curly blond locks a lot :]
28. I have spent so much time in my life at Keswick, and now it's like gone :[ dead :[ done :[
29. But I beleive I am going up there this weekend for a meeting and some friends I haven't seen in a while will be there! It will be great to catch up
30. I laugh a lot. It doesn't take much to make me crack up and cry. Happens basically daily.
31. I love my friends so so much and I am so happy to be friends with themmm! :D
32. I will continue this later and keep adding things :D

Illuminate the NOs and their vacancy signs

Yesterday was EmLaugh's sweet sixteen party! It was soo fun :] I end up being really hyper at parties. People probably think I'm drunk or something :P And then when me and Allison are together it's just too much hyperness to handle for everyone. I hope everyone had as an amazing time as myself, especially Emily! Lalalala.
So this weekend has been very busy. Friday was Lizz's mom's birthday, so we had a party at the hospital and it was fun. Then Lizz slept over, fell asleep the second she hit the pillow. Funny that happens to an insomniac:P Then Buddy started barking. For and hour. So then my dad slept on the couch and left Buddy out of his crate so he would shut up. Thank you Dad! :D Then Lizz slept until noon and I woke up at 9ish so I was just like la-dy-dah-ing around my house as usual, but I felt weird if I left the room and she woke up she would liek freka out. Especially because she's never been to my house for too long, but oh well. Went the mall, visited Lizz's mom, THEN as we were leaving, so was Lizz's sister and her friend, and their car wouldn't start, so we had to drop them off somewhere, then Lizz at her house. So I ended up getting home like 2 minutes before I was suppose to go pick up Nikki. But I still had to change and get ready and wrap the present :P.
Arg. So Lizz's mom is having surgery tomorrow. And it's very serious and she'll bei n the ICU for a couple days and everything and arg I'm just scared. And mostly for Lizz, too. I think she basically thinks her mom is probably going to die. Which of course that is possible because the operation is big and 6 hours long, but it's not like its a 10% chance of survival. Plus the surgeon has been heard to be really good, so I'm really glad God has put her in his hands :D I just keep thinking in the back of my mind negatively. Like wondering like if her mom didn't make it through how she would probably live with her dad. Of course I don't want to think about that circumstance but I just keep thinking about it and it's really scary. Normally I try to think positively, and I am trying, but arg! I know God can protect her and keep her safe and heal her and help the surgeons take care of what is wrong. I know he will. I can't imagine how Lizz has been. She's either staying at friends houses or like staying home alone.
Her grandma came up, but she's at the hospital like all the time. And she really is in bad shape too. She fainted twice in the past like 3 days. She says she's okay to drive, just not walk. She also is a horrible night driver, but keeps staying at the hospital really late. Arg. I just want everyone to be safe and healthy. This week will be hard too because my mom has been helpingg them a lot and visiting, but since Lizz is a freshman and doesn't have to take the practice CAPTs while we take the real ones, she doesn't have to go into school late so she like can't really stay here. Well she could, but whatever. But I think my mom is going to bring her to see her mom a lot during the week, even if she didn't stay here or anything. I don't knowwwwwwww this whole situation is just confusing and blah and no one cares but whatever. I just want to know everything will be okay :|

'Cause When You're Fifteen, and Somebody Tells You They Love You, You're Gonna Believe Them

I really like Taylor Swift. I like country music, I don't know why. When I was younger I would say I liked anything BUT country, NO country at all. But the truth is I don't think I actually listened to country, I just thought of old hick music with banjos and overalls. But Taylor is a normal girl with songs that I don't know, they're catchy and meaningful. The title I used for today, is also good at explaining why I don't really want like a boyfriend or anything. I just feel like if I fall hard for someone that it will be hard to stop and I'll just get my heart broken. I don't want my heart to be broken over a stupid 10th grade fling that if I look back on it I'll be ashamed of. I'd rather waste my time, well, frankly I don't know because there is nothing to do around here. But! I am pretty excited for this weekend. Emily's sweet 16! :D That should be fun. Lalala I have so much more I want to talk about, like growing up, love, friends. Lalalala I don't feel like writing a lot or wasting people's times. I'll just forget about stuff I want to write about and never write about them :P Farewell.


Oh! One of my best friend's mom has been in the hospital for like a week now with bleeding in her liver and lungs :[ She was suppose to have surgery tomorrow but it got pushed back to I think this weekend. I hope she'll be okay, because it's really serious and such :[

You said the way my blue eyes shined, Put those Georgia stars to shame that night

Lalala. So yesterday I went to a family party, which was fun. My 7 month old twins were there and ever so cute :] And like a family friend just had a baby, Victoria Leigh she was actually released from the hospital yesterday, so it was baby-rama over there! My cousin the same age as me had her friend over so I didn't really spend as much time with her as I normally would have. I kinda hung around them but they had their own conversations and whatever they talked about I wouldn't know what it was, or even care, so I spent time with the behbehs! Lol. And so all today I've just been lazy. Kind of work on some make up work. But one thing I lost the website for the short stories, so I can't do any of my English. Still haven't finished Kwassy's notes due like a week ago! Haha oh well. Hopefully we'll have a snow day tomorrow though! :D It snowed a little earlier, and it hasn't been snowing for a while, but it is suppose to start again at 10 tonight and slow allllll day tomorrow. I just want to sleep in. I've been so tired like all the time for a while, I don't even know how long. It's probably been months. I feel like I have mono, but I don't have an achey body, so I don't know. Lalalala. Okay well I must get back to procrastinating