One thing I hate, not feeling wanted, loved, or needed. And sometimes, I'll admit it, little things that *shouldn't* matter to me, do. And I know this is stupid, but like one of my friends who is one of my best friends, I rarely see her any more, and when we talk she doesn't fill me in on what has happened, and when something's wrong, she doesn't talk to me about it because she has other people, which is fine. But like in a note on facebook it was something like "Who is someone you can tell anything to?" and she named like 5 people, and not me. And it just makes me think if she doesn't trust me/want to tell me, or just doesn't get around to it. She's also not telling me *everything* when she does tell me stuff and it's just aggravating. I know I should just talk to her but I don't want to be annoying, because I always feel like I'm annoying thinking people can always come to me for help and they still don't. So I don't wanna be like "Why aren't you telling me everything?! Because you know, I need to know everything, and you're preventing me from doing that :]" Blah whatever.
And. There's this guy who I've known since like I was 9 or 10 from Keswick, and we went the same weeks every year for at least 5 years. And he ended up liking my best friend I went with. So we basically were only friends like through her (I see a pattern in that... a lot of times I'm friends with people only through people and we're not actually friends (okay, not a lot, but sometimes.)). Anyways, I mean I thought of him as a friend and we've gone through a lot. Some of the few are: me getting him to finally ask my friend out after years, then all this drama happened and our friend basically ran away from camp, but was just some where on campus without telling a counselor with a radio (which was a wicked scary moment of my life), I've seen him CRY... c'mon he had to be friends :P ANYWHO. All that was not relevant, but once again, I saw something on facebook, a wall to wall with him and a girl he thought was REALLY annoying and didn't like, and they never even really talked... and they were acting like friends and it's like YOU HATE HER. Anyways. Idk. I wish I was better friends with him in the past, like actual friends. Because he was a good guy, and now I'm just mad because he's like lalalala best friends with a girl he hated, and I feel like he never cared about me as a friend or anything. The last time I talked to him, when he was actually getting kicked out of camp (which reminds me, he's a freaking jerk.) and he was being an ass to me and telling everyone what happened and only like yelled at me. Okay well this was stupid and it's bringing out more thoughts on how all the people who weren't actually friends with people loved getting in the middle of things and controlling and thinking they were friends. Okay wow this is really lame, I hope you didn't read this.
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